*********Dr. Zomb Whistles Underwater*********
A few of you sent me some amusing e-mails, sharing your own personal experiences of Portland (overwhelmingly positive I might add!) I just can’t get over how lucky I am to be here in the City of Roses so to do this illustrious city more justice, I’ll get down to the verdant heart of the matter.
The first major thing you should know about Oregon if you want to become my next-door neighbor is, if you want to pump your own gasoline, well, you can FUH-GET ABOUT IT! Oregon is only one of two states in the U.S of A (New Jersey is the other) where a gasoline pump is off-limits to the average motorist. Under ORS 480.315-320, passed over five decades ago, it reads, "An owner, operator or employee of a filling station service station, garage, or other dispensary where class 1 flammable liquids are dispensed at retail may not permit any person other than the owner, operator or employee to use or manipulate any pump, hose, pipe or other device for dispensing the liquids into the fuel tank of a motor vehicle or other retail container."
So, according to the rest of the text of the bill, if you accidentally pump your own gasoline, you are given a civil penalty that must be paid 10 days after order of up to $500. Out of curiousity I did a little research to find some rationalizations in the law, and they list 17 declarations. Some of them I happened to find very amusing.
Here are a few:
*************************
1) The dispensing of Class 1 flammable liquids by dispensers properly trained in appropriate safety procedures reduces fire hazards directly associated with the dispensing of Class 1 flammable liquids.
7) Exposure to toxic fumes represents a health hazard to customers dispensing Class 1 flammable liquids.
10a) The significantly higher prices typically charged for full-service fuel dispensing in states where self service is permitted at retail discriminates against customers with lower incomes, who are under greater economic pressure to subject themselves to the inconvenience and hazards of self-service.
11) The increased use of self-service at retail in other states has contributed to diminishing the availability of automotive repair facilities at gasoline stations.
14) Self service dispensing at retail contributes to unemployment, particularly among young people.
17) Small children left unattended when customers leave to make payment at self service stations creates a dangerous situation.”
***********************
I mean, personally, I don’t know, it’s tempting to be the trapezoid, but I don’t really buy numbers 11 and 14 especially. Ah well, everyone’s happy I suppose. It must be even more amusing to visit the other 48 states and be told to keep your hands off that pump. Many in every other state must compare something like that to that you can’t buy your own Wonder bread off a supermarket shelf. I don’t exactly see a rationalization behind the law, but, I’m not complaining! I'm a walking protest machine! Got no car, need no oil!
The second thing is here in Oregon, we have no sales tax. Yippee! That’ll give my fingers much needed rest in digging for pennies! Benjamin Franklin once said, “Nothing in life is certain but death and taxes." How true that still is, though we get off quite a bit easier here, hehehe! (giggles) I believe Alaska, Delaware, Montana, and New Hampshire are the only other states without a sales tax, although in some Alaskan cities I’m told they charge a 5% sales tax. I’m lovin this!
Oh yeah, there are some other crazy laws you should be aware of before moving here:
• Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property
• One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays (Ha ha, I’ve rebelled against this fifty times already!)
If you live in Beaverton, you have to pay a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burgular alarm. In Eugene, they say it is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert! In Hood River it is illegal to juggle without a license. In Klamath Falls it is illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snake’s head off with your cane (maybe their lawmakers took Whacking Day on The Simpsons too seriously) In Stanfield, no more than two people can share the same drink. In Marion, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. In Myrtle Creek, if you want to box with a roo, well, that’s just too bad, because you can’t, bloke! And, finally, right here in Portland, I am not allowed to whistle underwater, I’m not allowed to have a wedding ceremony at a skating rink, and can’t wear roller skates in restrooms (Aw man, but you know how I love roller-skating in movie cinema restrooms after the show!)
Nah, I’m not using any scare tactics to keep you all out of the City of Roses! (giggles) But the law is the voice of the land after all, and if it is a crime to eat Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra on Sundays, then consider my entire current past here checkered! LOL! I don’t know, maybe if you put a noseplug on, you might get away with whistling underwater! Who doesn’t enjoy whistling underwater? Not me!
Yep, ol’ “Stumptown” has its share of celebrities as well. Thanks to Matt Groening, unlikely star streetnames like Terwilliger Boulevard, Flanders Street and Lovejoy Street have become luminary to pop culture thanks to his Simpsons. And yes, before you ask, it is true the infamous Tonya Harding was a Portland native for quite some time. Did you know such hit movies including “The Ring”, “Free Willy” and “Mr. Holland’s Opus” were filmed here? Did you know that “Mr. Holland’s Opus” was filmed at Grant High School, where my younger sister Ellie now goes to? We live only two blocks away from this Hollywood archaeological site! And finally, who could forget where another one of Portland’s many nicknames came from; “Little Beirut”? You can credit that to the passionate demonstrations formed when Ronald Reagen, George H.W Bush, and George W. Bush came to town! Yep, we’re all a bunch of progressive martyrs! (giggles)
Veritably, I am having a mad love affair with Portland radio. Sometimes hearing the variety here, I feel robbed when living in Colorado, where I feel as though I was never given any eclectic taste. I am madly in love with KBOO community radio (that’s 90.7 on your FM dial). Each day of the week has its own multifarous programming line-up, with a different host for each music, spoken arts, news and activism segment. Right now my mind’s been sapid to the sonorous bliss of Jazz in the Afternoon. My personal recommendations of don’t-miss programming are Kaleidoscope Sounds with Delilah Brazil, Vinyl Pajama Party with Brian Combs, and Dr. Zomb’s Stereo Obscura. KBOO is killer!
But what I love most of all about Portland is that it is so easy to get around this city. In contrast to living in the suburbs, where I was stuck around at home, failing to get around and enjoy eveything beyond my backyard, you can walk anywhere, do anything. I’ve never felt sexier in my life. I just slip on my Birkenstocks, fly out the front door like a sparrow just married, and smile as I grace down Broadway. I look back on a long Monday where I walk over ten thousand steps, when some doctors say walking at least 2,000 steps a day on average helps you from gaining any additional weight, and I say, “That’s sexy!” I still can’t get over losing nine pounds in such a short span of time, especially when I’m in a major growth state of my life. I was always right about average in weight and below average in height, but now ever so often I hear, “Hey Noah, you look a lot thinner than I last remember!” (giggles) I feel I am in total control with myself now and have the impulse and stamina to do anything. Fellow protesters in Portland have already said I’m “the sexiest protester they’ve ever seen in Portland”. (blushes) Some explained by saying most protesters always wear black hoods and have grave, dirty, woebegone faces with shipwreck expressions, but I arouse the crowds with my bright colors, smile, and my shaking of the hips and twirling on my heels. I was called a lot of things back in Colorado, but “sexy” was never a synonym there. And I believe it is healthy to feel naturally sexy.
Whew, this is a loaded entry! (giggles) Think I’ll be off now for another soiree with my feet! Strike a pose to the sun, everyone! :)
Love,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)
A few of you sent me some amusing e-mails, sharing your own personal experiences of Portland (overwhelmingly positive I might add!) I just can’t get over how lucky I am to be here in the City of Roses so to do this illustrious city more justice, I’ll get down to the verdant heart of the matter.
The first major thing you should know about Oregon if you want to become my next-door neighbor is, if you want to pump your own gasoline, well, you can FUH-GET ABOUT IT! Oregon is only one of two states in the U.S of A (New Jersey is the other) where a gasoline pump is off-limits to the average motorist. Under ORS 480.315-320, passed over five decades ago, it reads, "An owner, operator or employee of a filling station service station, garage, or other dispensary where class 1 flammable liquids are dispensed at retail may not permit any person other than the owner, operator or employee to use or manipulate any pump, hose, pipe or other device for dispensing the liquids into the fuel tank of a motor vehicle or other retail container."
So, according to the rest of the text of the bill, if you accidentally pump your own gasoline, you are given a civil penalty that must be paid 10 days after order of up to $500. Out of curiousity I did a little research to find some rationalizations in the law, and they list 17 declarations. Some of them I happened to find very amusing.
Here are a few:
*************************
1) The dispensing of Class 1 flammable liquids by dispensers properly trained in appropriate safety procedures reduces fire hazards directly associated with the dispensing of Class 1 flammable liquids.
7) Exposure to toxic fumes represents a health hazard to customers dispensing Class 1 flammable liquids.
10a) The significantly higher prices typically charged for full-service fuel dispensing in states where self service is permitted at retail discriminates against customers with lower incomes, who are under greater economic pressure to subject themselves to the inconvenience and hazards of self-service.
11) The increased use of self-service at retail in other states has contributed to diminishing the availability of automotive repair facilities at gasoline stations.
14) Self service dispensing at retail contributes to unemployment, particularly among young people.
17) Small children left unattended when customers leave to make payment at self service stations creates a dangerous situation.”
***********************
I mean, personally, I don’t know, it’s tempting to be the trapezoid, but I don’t really buy numbers 11 and 14 especially. Ah well, everyone’s happy I suppose. It must be even more amusing to visit the other 48 states and be told to keep your hands off that pump. Many in every other state must compare something like that to that you can’t buy your own Wonder bread off a supermarket shelf. I don’t exactly see a rationalization behind the law, but, I’m not complaining! I'm a walking protest machine! Got no car, need no oil!
The second thing is here in Oregon, we have no sales tax. Yippee! That’ll give my fingers much needed rest in digging for pennies! Benjamin Franklin once said, “Nothing in life is certain but death and taxes." How true that still is, though we get off quite a bit easier here, hehehe! (giggles) I believe Alaska, Delaware, Montana, and New Hampshire are the only other states without a sales tax, although in some Alaskan cities I’m told they charge a 5% sales tax. I’m lovin this!
Oh yeah, there are some other crazy laws you should be aware of before moving here:
• Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.
• It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property
• One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
• Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays (Ha ha, I’ve rebelled against this fifty times already!)
If you live in Beaverton, you have to pay a $10 permit to be allowed to install a burgular alarm. In Eugene, they say it is legal to conduct a horse race or a symphony concert! In Hood River it is illegal to juggle without a license. In Klamath Falls it is illegal to walk down a sidewalk and knock a snake’s head off with your cane (maybe their lawmakers took Whacking Day on The Simpsons too seriously) In Stanfield, no more than two people can share the same drink. In Marion, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. In Myrtle Creek, if you want to box with a roo, well, that’s just too bad, because you can’t, bloke! And, finally, right here in Portland, I am not allowed to whistle underwater, I’m not allowed to have a wedding ceremony at a skating rink, and can’t wear roller skates in restrooms (Aw man, but you know how I love roller-skating in movie cinema restrooms after the show!)
Nah, I’m not using any scare tactics to keep you all out of the City of Roses! (giggles) But the law is the voice of the land after all, and if it is a crime to eat Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra on Sundays, then consider my entire current past here checkered! LOL! I don’t know, maybe if you put a noseplug on, you might get away with whistling underwater! Who doesn’t enjoy whistling underwater? Not me!
Yep, ol’ “Stumptown” has its share of celebrities as well. Thanks to Matt Groening, unlikely star streetnames like Terwilliger Boulevard, Flanders Street and Lovejoy Street have become luminary to pop culture thanks to his Simpsons. And yes, before you ask, it is true the infamous Tonya Harding was a Portland native for quite some time. Did you know such hit movies including “The Ring”, “Free Willy” and “Mr. Holland’s Opus” were filmed here? Did you know that “Mr. Holland’s Opus” was filmed at Grant High School, where my younger sister Ellie now goes to? We live only two blocks away from this Hollywood archaeological site! And finally, who could forget where another one of Portland’s many nicknames came from; “Little Beirut”? You can credit that to the passionate demonstrations formed when Ronald Reagen, George H.W Bush, and George W. Bush came to town! Yep, we’re all a bunch of progressive martyrs! (giggles)
Veritably, I am having a mad love affair with Portland radio. Sometimes hearing the variety here, I feel robbed when living in Colorado, where I feel as though I was never given any eclectic taste. I am madly in love with KBOO community radio (that’s 90.7 on your FM dial). Each day of the week has its own multifarous programming line-up, with a different host for each music, spoken arts, news and activism segment. Right now my mind’s been sapid to the sonorous bliss of Jazz in the Afternoon. My personal recommendations of don’t-miss programming are Kaleidoscope Sounds with Delilah Brazil, Vinyl Pajama Party with Brian Combs, and Dr. Zomb’s Stereo Obscura. KBOO is killer!
But what I love most of all about Portland is that it is so easy to get around this city. In contrast to living in the suburbs, where I was stuck around at home, failing to get around and enjoy eveything beyond my backyard, you can walk anywhere, do anything. I’ve never felt sexier in my life. I just slip on my Birkenstocks, fly out the front door like a sparrow just married, and smile as I grace down Broadway. I look back on a long Monday where I walk over ten thousand steps, when some doctors say walking at least 2,000 steps a day on average helps you from gaining any additional weight, and I say, “That’s sexy!” I still can’t get over losing nine pounds in such a short span of time, especially when I’m in a major growth state of my life. I was always right about average in weight and below average in height, but now ever so often I hear, “Hey Noah, you look a lot thinner than I last remember!” (giggles) I feel I am in total control with myself now and have the impulse and stamina to do anything. Fellow protesters in Portland have already said I’m “the sexiest protester they’ve ever seen in Portland”. (blushes) Some explained by saying most protesters always wear black hoods and have grave, dirty, woebegone faces with shipwreck expressions, but I arouse the crowds with my bright colors, smile, and my shaking of the hips and twirling on my heels. I was called a lot of things back in Colorado, but “sexy” was never a synonym there. And I believe it is healthy to feel naturally sexy.
Whew, this is a loaded entry! (giggles) Think I’ll be off now for another soiree with my feet! Strike a pose to the sun, everyone! :)
Love,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)
posted by FastCompany at 10:39 AM
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