Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Monday, November 20, 2006



Stay Cool Day School

Holy Bong Thomas, how time flies in-between entries! Indeed the Endorphinator has been busier than a stump-tailed cow in fly time these past three months, but now I'm back with a velveteen vengeance, as I sit by myself watching the house until Wednesday when I join my parents in Missouri to meet my grandparents, with my Guayaki Yerba Mate Latte and yellow curry prepared fresh from Thai Pod! :)

Anywho, I am currently putting together my latest concept poetry project titled "Dance Dance Revolutionary", based on my new found fascination and obsession with Dance Dance Revolution, which consists of sixteen original songs that serve as the soundtrack to a story which I am also currently penning, featuring an enthusiastic team of DDR aficionados who are challenged by an imperialistic extraterrestrial overlord and capoeira master who still hasn't solved the case of his father's coordinated slip-up in a galactic dance tournament, and so is going to planet after planet to challenge representatives from each to dance tournaments, where should the inhabitants of each planet lose to him, he would force all money directed to arts, music and P.E cut off from public schools, and a victory would serve as peace and the promotion of arts to each planet in that the overload also values ephebism and reveres those who display it to him.

I hope once I complete both the story and all the songs, I can collaborate with a comic book artist and turn it into a comic book that could be published. Wow, I've dreamed many castles in the clouds here! :) Anyway, I hope you enjoy these first five song lyrics for the soundtrack! (does happy koshiru shuffle) :)

*



Dance Dance Revolutionary
By: Noah Eaton
10/21/06

Gonna be a Dance Dance Revolutionary,
glowing through the motions,
singing my body luminary,
dancing what I believe,
where nothing is illusionary,
gonna show the world,
my feet are more than extraordinary.

We’re kaleidoscopically aerobic,
our heels go ricocheting like a pogo stick,
butterfly turning like lovesick gypsies,
burning brightly in impromptu freestyle,
aesthetic of the cool fertile,
making your heart beat faster until it gets zippy.

Gonna be a Dance Dance Revolutionary,
glowing through the motions,
singing my body luminary,
dancing what I believe,
where nothing is illusionary,
gonna show the world,
my feet are more than extraordinary.

The dance mat is gleaming with high voltage,
it’s my intuition that turns the ignition switch,
punctuating this hardcore symphony,
the way we play this game is by listening,
it’s how we get this world glistening,
reaching the ecstasy of harmonic epiphany.

Gonna be a Dance Dance Revolutionary,
glowing through the motions,
singing my body luminary,
dancing what I believe,
where nothing is illusionary,
gonna show the world,
my feet are more than extraordinary.

Gonna be a Dance Dance Revolutionary,
glowing through the motions,
singing my body luminary,
dancing what I believe,
where nothing is illusionary,
gonna show the world,
my feet are more than extraordinary.

Gonna be a Dance Dance Revolutionary,
glowing through the motions,
singing my body luminary,
dancing what I believe,
where nothing is illusionary,
gonna show the world,
my feet are more than extraordinary.


*



You Gotta Crawl (Before You Can Walk)
Part Of: "Dance Dance Revolutionary"
By: Noah Eaton
10/24/06

Hey, it takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.

We were born,
used to standing blended with the crowd,
growing determined to find ourselves,
someday standing out from the crowd,
the possibilities are endless,
like a chain of keys spread out across your hand,
there’s no feeling left to hide,
time to make destiny of where you stand
(Launch your body into orbit!)

(Hey!)
It takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.

When you sign up for a season,
train your heart to try and see it through,
when you can’t fight the moonlight,
every day begin the task anew,
we’ve all had to slip and stumble,
and look at where that got each of us,
so marry yourself to your favorite beat,
and place in it a pulse of trust.
(Put your body into orbit!)

(Hey!)
It takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.

(Break it down now!)

(Hey, it’s perseverance,
that made the snail reach the ark,
hey, it’s will-power,
that ignites a star of a spark,
hey, it’s enthusiasm,
that takes us off on a flying start,
hey, you’ve got the vibe now,
now with your heels, impart!

(Hey!)
It takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.
(Hey!)
It takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.
(Hey!)

It takes a little bit of rhythm,
to learn how to talk the talk,
take it slow and easy,
you gotta crawl before you can walk.
Hey, it takes a little bit of patience,
to learn how to stay on beat,
after much practicing,
a new language your feet shall speak.


*



Jubilant Journey
(Part Of: "Dance Dance Revolutionary")
By: Noah Eaton
10/26/06

Hey everybody, let’s hurry,
join me on this jubilant journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
through rhythm wonderland’s flurry,
you don’t need an attorney,
to tag along on this journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
aya, aya, hurry-scurry…

(Hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh,
hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh!)

Providence resides in chance,
for all those who love adventure,
let’s go where there are no paths,
where we’ll be daydream dispensers,
with flying colors, we’ll travel light,
raving to the music’s honey crisp lisp,
vacationing on this hardcore grand tour,
dizzied by this dance floor’s fevered pitch.

Hey everybody, let’s hurry,
join me on this jubilant journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
through rhythm wonderland’s flurry,
you don’t need an attorney,
to tag along on this journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
aya, aya, hurry-scurry…

(Hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh,
hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh!)

We’ll go to the point of no return,
run it like a running faucet,
reflect more light than a house of mirrors,
shining brighter than a china closet,
rotate your hips and try your luck,
move your feet and show some spunk,
pump and dive and jive and jump,
4, 3, 2, 1...

Hey everybody, let’s hurry,
join me on this jubilant journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
through rhythm wonderland’s flurry,
you don’t need an attorney,
to tag along on this journey,
la la la, la dee dee dee,
aya, aya, hurry-scurry…

(Hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh,
hey oh,
hey oh, hey oh, hey oh!)

(In adventure we find ourselves,
let’s take off on another journey!)


*



Friends Forever
(Part Of: "Dance Dance Revolutionary")
By: Noah Eaton
10/28/06

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
dee dee doo doo dee dee da,
dee dee doo doo da la la,
dee dee doo doo dee dee da…

There’s no vessel that can float,
like ol’ sweet Good Ship Friendship,
through your eyes I see new doors,
taking me away to worlds I had never thought to exist,
even when we sit together quietly,
it feels like the best conservation we’ve ever had,
smiling under the same sun,
inspires this feeling that makes me feel so glad.

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
like two popsicles stuck together.
Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
friends forever, you and me…

It takes such a long time,
to grow an old friend in your heart’s garden,
I want to be the gift you give yourself,
so whenever you’re alone I’m your light that heartens,
when you need advice,
I want it to blanket your soul as white as snow,
so when I come and dance inside,
you’ll feel my smile sway to and fro…

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
like two popsicles stuck together.
Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
friends forever, you and me…

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
dee dee doo doo dee dee da,
dee dee doo doo da la la,
dee dee doo doo dee dee da…

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
like two popsicles stuck together.
Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
friends forever, you and me…

Dee dee doo doo da la la,
we are friends forever,
dee dee doo doo da la la,
friends forever, you and me…


*



Let’s Cross That Imaginary Bridge (When We Come To It)
(Part Of: “Dance Dance Revolutionary”)
By: Noah Eaton
11/10/06

Roll your inhibitions up like window blinds,
let’s go to the truth beyond the mind,
the prevailing wind rustles at your fingertips,
syncopating rhythm and rhyme,
wonder is the voiceless music of your heart,
that you can dance to swimmingly,
your breath is the bridge,
that unites your body with your dreams…

So dance away, hey hey hey hey,
go ahead and make your favorite wish,
over the rainbow we’ll have a soiree,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it,
let’s play, hey hey hey hey,
in castles in the clouds built from bliss,
let’s make that sweet escape, hey hey hey hey,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it.

Every moment’s priceless in possibility,
take my hand, let’s kiss the unknown,
raise your sights above the mountains,
and see just how tall you can grow,
wonder is the voiceless music of your heart,
that you can dance to swimmingly,
your breath is the bridge,
that unites your body with your dreams…

So dance away, hey hey hey hey,
go ahead and make your favorite wish,
over the rainbow we’ll have a soiree,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it,
let’s play, hey hey hey hey,
in castles in the clouds built from bliss,
let’s make that sweet escape, hey hey hey hey,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it.

So dance away, hey hey hey hey,
go ahead and make your favorite wish,
over the rainbow we’ll have a soiree,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it,
let’s play, hey hey hey hey,
in castles in the clouds built from bliss,
let’s make that sweet escape, hey hey hey hey,
let’s cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it.


*



XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Friday, August 25, 2006



My Very Exotic Maid Just Showed Up Nude

Well, it's official; Pluto is no longer officially defined as a planet in the scientific community. With that said, here's a fondest tribute to our little purple gerber widow of the celestial spheres; to me and all trans-planetary dreamers you will always be the pie of the sky, with a special poetic bonus as well; the parrot-headed "Extra Tropical"! :)

*

*



My Very Eccentric Mother Just Shanghaied Underappreciated Nanny Pluto
By: Noah Eaton
8/24/06

Once upon a time,
there was a man named Percival Lowell,
who vowed to find that ninth planet,
if it meant never once resting on his laurels,
you see it was long speculated,
that another planet was perturbing Neptune’s orbit,
just like they suspected with Uranus,
and Neptune was discovered by Sir Johann Gottfried.

Lowell passed away amidst the mission,
but on lived his intergalactic pursuit,
astronomers hypothesized coordinates,
perfected each parabola and square root,
then one day in February 1930,
an astronomer named Clyde Tombaugh,
saw an object moving between photographic plates,
and he declared, “Holy smokes!”

Tombaugh moved on the double,
to Harvard College Observatory,
and when the news struck like lightning,
boy, the meeting erupted into a conservatory,
now all the gas gerber needed was a name,
and nominations came pouring in worldwide,
they included Zeus, Perseus and Prometheus,
but they were all denied.

Then one day a write-in candidate,
stood out and took the biscuit,
credited to a grand-niece cuttie,
living in Oxford, England,
yes, her name was Venetia Phair,
she thought the name should be a monogram,
named after the initials of Percival Lowell,
and Pluto became every space cadet’s hologram!

Then her father the Falconer,
forwarded the golden ticket to Professor Turner,
the response was unanimously favorable,
and was officially announced
by Director Vesto Melvin Slipher…

May I introduce to you Pluto,
she’s to baking like painting’s to Pierre Rousseau,
she’s as peppy as Women’s Day in Maputo,
and can broadcast a game like Phil Rizzuto,
but some detractors can be so rude-o,
they’re obsessed with throwing a feud-o,
narrow-mindedly coming to conclude-o,
that it’s orbit under definition is too skewed-o…
.
.
.
You see, some just can’t tolerate it’s right to exist,
since a very long time ago,
who seem to prefer negativity,
like Ann Coulter or Janeane Garofalo,
arguing, “It hangs on the fringe!”,
or “It’s just an object of the Kuiper Belt!”
or better yet, “It has a wonky, peculiar orbit!”,
I think their propaganda smells like rainbow smelt!

The International Astronomers Union say modern observations,
are changing how we view our solar system,
therefore our nomenclature of objects,
should reflect our current rule of thumb,
ah, I’m in complete agreement there,
Lord knows we can’t dwell in the age of Copernicus,
we mustn’t turn our backs from the future,
we must face the truth like Oedipus.

But then they add planets should be re-defined,
as any round object orbiting the sun,
but if the center of gravity is outside the larger object,
does it not make the smaller object a planet, anyone?
And wouldn’t our own moon,
also be considered a planet,
as it retracts from Earth and forms its barycenter,
or even Janet Jackson!

They’re treating our misunderstood Pluto,
like some Trans-Neptunian Object,
after all she’s done for us all these years,
she receives much willful neglect,
inspiring Mickey Mouse’s sensitive canine,
and songs from Christine Lavin and 2 Skinnee J’s,
and the Hugo Award-winning Starship Troopers,
and that whole Space Battleship Yamato craze.

She guides the guardian of the gates of time,
on the anime favorite “Sailor Moon”,
it’s guest-starred on a Bjork album,
Cowboy Bebop, even Doctor Who...

Why all the hate for dearest Pluto,
their views of her are more overcast than Juneau,
a more misunderstood teacher than Giordano Bruno,
she’s just a shy, celestial bird of Juno,
after inspiring Lean Cuisine frozen food-o,
there’s only a gesture of exclude-o,
despite the contradictory public mood-o,
the IAU don’t want to include-o.
.
.
.
Pluto widely influences astrology as well,
ruling death, rebirth and transformation,
asking us to transcend that which we know,
and come out stronger in appreciation,
it governs our reproductive systems,
and all that is undercover and secret,
but if your Pluto is conjunct with Saturn,
oh, be warned Pluto could also be destructive.

Pluto rules the sign of Scorpio,
my Sun, Mercury and Saturn,
the sign of desire, instincts and magnetism,
braiding each rhythmic pattern,
it has multiple natures,
between the vengeful scorpion and the wise eagle,
and the higher-conscious dove,
transforming passions into something peaceful.

Pluto is in the crumbling of every empire,
and every tragic event,
as well as the phoenix of hope that rises,
that accents re-birth as hearts mend,
and in the heart of each Indigo Child,
in the mind of each detective,
who searches for truths among the chaos,
seeking clarity from their perspectives.

Yet some merely like to snub their thumbs,
on their noses daring the lil’ purple’s existence,
loving to mock and laugh and slander,
and never keeping their distance,
Raphael's Astronomical Ephemeris of the Planets' Places,
didn’t even include it on its longitude tables,
stuck back as late as 1975 on Page 39,
dismissed as a hunk of debris fable.

What is the sign of Scorpio,
destined to be ruled by now,
will Mars rule both this sign and Aries,
each day from here on out…

What a poor easy target, that Pluto,
ganging on the underdog like Bluto,
unleashing all their judo,
on our mysterious cousin Pluto,
if only they could construe-o,
a reason for her to be reviewed-o,
but they’d rather like her to be denude-o,
love to boo and collude-o…
.
.
.
Meanwhile the plot thickens,
they want to group Pluto with a new clique,
they call themselves the Plutons,
all with their own unique sort of schtick,
they’re all round Pluto-sized spheres,
beyond the realm of Neptune,
with orbital periods that exceed 200 years,
impugned as an eccentric sort of platoon.

They include Charon,
a fellow moon of Pluto that’s almost inertial,
(No, that’s Charon, not Charo,
you must have fell asleep watching that Geico commerical!)
And then here we have Ceres,
the largest object in the asteroid belt,
orbiting the sun between Mars and Jupiter,
ooh la la, isn’t she svelte.

And finally there’s 2003 UB313,
or better known tentatively as Xena,
some theorize she has a feminine battle cry,
like a laughing hyena,
I can ever imagine the Klingons,
laughing away when we break the story,
that 92% of eighth-graders list that planet,
on their tests as UB-40!

Holy sweet Alaskan asparagus tips,
does Pluto only exist now in those who dream,
like Philip K. Dick of “UBIK”,
and Joseph Michael Straczynski,
am I doomed to crawl into my dryer,
and pretend it’s a spaceship porthole,
and stare at an enlarged boysenberry on a tapestry,
imagining I’ve found you, Planet Pluto.

Now thousands of scientists,
have planet-napped my frigid beauty in Prague,
it’s got me and fellow geeks worked up,
like a bunch of pickerel frogs…

This is an ode to dear Pluto,
long a symbol of controversy on the news shows,
I guess to some it was never born under a halo,
taunting and haunting her like Cujo,
why must some always be so crude-o,
have a preference to seclude-o,
well, you always set my mood-o…

oh dearest...

dearest...

...Pluto...

(Tell your second cousins,
Hygiea, Pallas, Ixion and Vesta,
Varuna, Quaoar, Orcus and Sedna
that I said hi…

…as far as I see it,
you will always be,
the pie of the sky!)


*

*



Extra Tropical
By: Noah Eaton
8/22/06

(Nothing like daydreaming in ¾ time,
like taking a siesta in a tire swing,
being stranded on a sandbar,
living like a gypsy on a bee sting fling.)

Me and my baby were on a tropical contact high,
down on the Pink Beach of the Bahamas,
steel drum symphonies were playing more capriciously,
than can be depicted in any closet drama,
beachcombing these shores like Eleutheran adventurers,
wading in cursive waters the color of candy floss,
inviting as your fantasy fashion photo shoot backdrop,
winking to me more revelling than the finest wine of Alsace.

She was as effervescent as an island’s prime season,
pirouetting upon each shady veranda,
leaving dusty chairs for those with greater reason,
freeing each piece of her heart from memoranda…

…cause she’s counting each of her days as a separate life!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

Some learn their whole lives to agree with nature,
she must have been born with a leaf of grass on her tongue,
she believes in all of the work of the stars,
youth was never meant to be high-strung,
so she lets her spirit jig like a giddy katydid,
across each hidden side of a summer’s leaf,
she partakes more than tea breaks and banana pancakes,
she leis it on the line if you know what I mean.

She is well aware no instruction book,
ever came supplied with Spaceship Earth,
she just floats amidst the blueberry popsicle skies,
drifting across imagination’s vibrating firth…

……cause she’s counting each of her days as a separate life!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

(Steel drum solo!)

Wanna take a little joy ride,
hang glide on the bright side,
wanna take a bright vacation,
dedicated to decoration,
belly buster dive into your creation,
acclimate to it like a crustacean,
develop a fixation,
with your inner-space station!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

(That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it,
that’s my philosophy, believe it if you wish,
building a tree house on the tallest palmetto,
duetting to a macaw’s larking libretto.)


*

*

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Monday, August 21, 2006



My Very Enigmatic Mother Wants To Take Away My Pizza (Or Life On 2003UB313?)

Holy Alderaan, our neighborhood may about to get much more crowded!



This week, a new era may dawn, as the International Astronomical Union has convened at the Prague Congress Centre in Prague, Czech Republic for the XXVIth General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union since last Monday, who will be addressing there through August 25th, and will vote this week on a resolution titled “Draft Resolution 5 for GA-XXVI: Definition of a Planet“, which, for the first time in the union’s 87-year history, will have a high-level committee recommending the word “planet” be officially defined according to both scientific and historic standards. The resolution also considers the following:



*

*

1) Contemporary observations are changing our understanding of the Solar System, so therefore our nomenclature for objects should reflect our modern, popular understanding of them. This should particularly apply to the term "planets", where the word originally described “wanderers” that were only moving lights in the sky, and that recent discoveries call for an updated definition due to new scientific information.

2) Under the above understanding, planets should be defined as “celestial bodies that (a) have sufficient mass for their self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that they assume a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape1, and (b) are in orbit around a star, and are neither stars nor satellites of a planet.”

3) In considering the above definition, that we should again distinguish between the eight classical planets discovered before 1900, which move in nearly circular orbits close to the ecliptic plane, and other planetary objects in orbit around the Sun, with all other objects smaller than Mercury, and because of this, Ceres, a round asteroid and the largest object in the asteroid belt orbiting the sun between Mars and Jupiter, should be considered a planet by the above scientific definition. (Ceres historically has been distinguished from the classical planets as a "dwarf planet.”)

4) Pluto is recognized as a planet by the above scientific definition, as are one or more recently discovered large Trans-Neptunian Objects (including Charon, a moon of Pluto, and 2003UB313, a.k.a Xena, a round Pluto-sized sphere out in the limits of our current space scope) which in contrast to the classical planets typically have highly inclined orbits with large eccentricities and orbital periods in excess of 200 years, and in result this particular category of planetary objects should be renamed “plutons”, with Pluto remaining the prototype, so that they stand out from the eight classical planets.

5) All non-planet objects orbiting the Sun will be called "Small Solar System Bodies"

*

*



Also, should this resolution be passed when it is voted on this Thursday, other likelihoods will include the following:

*

*

1) Given all the nuances of the definition, a dozen other space objects will make a list of “candidate planets” by the union, which could eventually increase the tally of classified planets in our solar system to 24 (they are Hygiea, Pallas, Vesta, Ixion, Varuna, Quaoar, Orcus, Sedna, 2002 TX300, 2002 AW197, 2003 EL61 and 2005 FY9.)

2) If Pallas, Vesta, and/or Hygeia are found to be in hydrostatic equilibrium, they are also planets, and may be referred to as "dwarf planets".

*

*

But not everyone is excited about possibly giving Pluto getting the downgrade. Because Harvard astronomer Owen Gingerich, who heads this committee, considers the definition of a planet an “object that orbits a star like the sun; is massive enough so its own gravity keeps it roughly round; and isn't a satellite of another planet, like the moon.”, other astronomers are saying things like, “Hey, you just hold your horses there a second, Charon, you all act as though you’re all that, orbiting around the sun as round as can be and all, but what’s up with you orbiting Pluto too, sounds like satellite scurvy to me!“ and “Yo Ceres, I thought you said you were an asteroid, now you say you want to be a planet, what’s up with that?”



Michael Brown of Caltech, Chadwick Trujillo of the Gemini Observatory atop Mauna Kea in Hawaii and David Rabinowitz of Yale also all discovered 2003 UB 313 (or Xena: Warrior Planet) three years ago, and have found many more remarkable discoveries since then in the millions of miles between Neptune and Pluto in the Kuiper Belt, where Pluto was discovered in 1930. Brown is one of the major critics of Resolution 5, saying, “I’m totally confused, they say Xena's a planet, but Sedna and Quaoar also fit the definition, so why aren't they being called planets, too? And Charon's a satellite of Pluto, so why is it a planet? It's not; it's a moon. That committee's definition is an effort to combine science and culture, and it doesn't do either.” He adds that with all the new round orbiting objects that astronomers have detected in the Kuiper Belt, the number of planets should total at least 53 by current standards.

*

Charo In New Geico Commerical

*



So, as you can see……..they’re playin’ Fizzbin with our solar system, leaving us like the Sigma Iotia II with nothing to say but “…….Zah?” as the rules continue to change with every fluffy shuffle. Understanding the gas giants these days is…..well……a gas……and if we’ve actually come to the conclusion that any big mass that’s round and circles a star is a planet, then by all means make Charo, not Charon a planet! Come on, let’s dance the Regolith Reggaeton…you know, that dance that really should be called two dogs humping, kind of like spooning but as you know, spooning can lead to forking, but don’t you miscon-mess with me……ahhhhh, never mind, um, err, Cuchi-Cuchi! LOL!



For the love of Io Plasma Torus, stop confusing our lil’ aspiring space cadets who, like Fred Z. Randall in the 1997 comedy “Rocketman” when as a child he’d crawl into his mother’s washing machine and going for a spin cycle, pretending as he peers out of his window that it’s his spaceship porthole and staring at a tapestry of the Earth, admiring it as a “giant blueberry”. (smiles) And holy sweet Alaskan asparagus tips, we know where his dreams take him when he’s thirty; far off into the red deserts of Mars and goes on a crazy food-tube-a-palooza when his chimp cadet Ulysses steals his hypersleep pod! Sweet swirling onion rings, that was as precious as dental floss at a Willie Nelson concert! (giggles) For the love of God, spare their fragile colorful minds of this Sirius red tape, or red dwarf tape is it?



Besides, think of what this will mean for our children’s school textbooks. The Klingons will be laughing themselves out of their fusion-powered rocket chairs when they learn in 2012 that 92% of eighth-graders answered that Pluto-sized sphere in the far reaches of our galaxy as UB40 on their science exams. Then you wake up at their high school level and find out that the line broke, the monkey got choke and burned bad rizla pon him little rowing boat! (giggles)



But most of all, a huge change to our planetary line-up will also mean a huge change to our understanding of Western astrology…..especially my sun sign! (Eek!) As you are well aware, Pluto rules Scorpio, as Pluto rules sex, psychology, death, and regeneration, as well as the transformative evolution of the collective in simplest of terms. Should Pluto be downgraded into a “Pluton”, it will significantly affect the nature of Scorpios such as myself in Western understanding, which may very well make sense in that Pluto represents transformations and metamorphosis and such an evolution was inevitable, for a planet that has brought you such phenomenons as Stouffers Corner Bistro cuisines and nuclear fusion! So you may expect to see me undergo some huge transformations these forthcoming months or so, as well as with the Eighth House and may spell new changes for rulership of Mercury and Venus, which both currently have double-rulers (Mercury rules both Gemini and Virgo, while Venus rules both Taurus and Libra)


As for the new proposed planets, they can offer revolutionary changes to how we observe western astrology as well. For instance, Ceres, discovered in 1801, is the Roman name for the Greek goddess Demeter, which rules agriculture, sustenance and motherhood, and known especially as the mother who saw her daughter Persephone vanish into the underworld of Hades/Pluto after being tempted with pomegranate seeds, during which she created a perpetual winter until her daughter was returned. And right now, astrologers are arguing what sign Ceres will rule if it becomes a planet, where some believe it should rule Virgo because of its striving to seek perfection in life through learning and also that Ceres was an unmarried woman, while others think Cancer fits Ceres far more because Ceres was also a fiercely, nurturing protective mother, willing to sacrifice the good of her people for the sake of her daughter, which contradicts Virgo’s notion of serving the likes of others, with Cancer also being the cardinal sign for the summer season when Demeter returns home from the underworld to her mother and the growing begins.



What I also find fascinating about Ceres, if it becomes a planet, is that in many minds it would represent the rebirth of interest and respect for traditional farming methods, which has already begun with environmental deterioration, genetically-modified organisms, pesticides and other elements in which undermine our agricultural process being challenged with the comeback of organic farming worldwide, and could also be the symbol of awareness to the increasing demand to turn to alternative fuels and energies.



There’s also fascinating insights into what the characterizing of other planets may mean for Western astrology. Below are some fascinating insights I’ve read regarding various planets, as well as the mysterious “Indigo Children”, a “different” generation that began when both Pluto and Quaoar entered Scorpio four days after I was born in November 1983, which are beginning to graduate from college and are in many astrologers’ minds the generation that will REALLY make changes and transformations in the world that their parents largely failed to accomplish. Enjoy!



*

*

Quaoar & The Indigo Children

2003 UB313 & The Female Archetype Of The Warrior

Sedna

Orcus

The Centaurs

*

*



Whatever saucy (or sinister) schemes are on those egghead’s minds this week in Prague, I encourage all y’all to keep watching the skis......wha.......oh sorry, skies, keep watching the skies! Per Ardua, Ad Astra!

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Tuesday, August 15, 2006



Flushed Print Of The Poetic Poppy

Here are some new saffrom summer treats to wet your whimsical whistle.....and might I recommend that if you're surfing the World Wide Web this week to head to your cyber cafe and enjoy the endorphiny experience beyond your laptop.....it's proving to be a disc-o inferno out there today! (giggles) Long live my HP Pavilion f1503! :)

*

*



Margarita Pedicure
By: Noah Eaton
8/15/06

I’ve seen a hundred disco sunrises,
been to foam parties all across Ibiza,
I’ve flown all across the island,
just to try all sorts of exotic pizza,
the Gomorrah of the Med,
has become my Cytherea,
I took more minds on a trip than Boy George,
funking to the Baleraic Beat at the Amnesia.

I’ve traveled from the top of Angel Falls,
to the tip of Patagonia,
my suitcase is stamped with so many travel stickers,
I suspect my neighbors have hodophobia,
now my feet are rubbed raw and blistered,
I could sure deodorize those tired tootsies,
they deserve a little special attention,
so I’m pulling up a beach chair
to make them primed for footsies.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

The Papallacta Hot Springs,
know how to give a warm stone massage,
wearing avocado slice monocles,
my face has become a breathing key lime pie collage,
sporting stockings of seaweed,
tropical sun seasoning me with a citrus splash,
then I’ll be off for the Volcan de Lodo El Tutomo,
for a toxin-burning mountain dash.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

They got aquatic jogging,
they got hydrogymnastics,
they got vibrosaunas,
that leave you tripping the light fantastic,
you’ll never feel purer in your life,
‘til you attend their Inipi ceremony,
mitauke oyasin,
with summer I'm making holy matrimony!

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

Only in summer does laziness find respectability,
it's in the eyes of a caterpillar we find palatability,
inventing romance like a smitten nightingale,
the amount of laughter you spill
can never be measured on the Brix scale.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters...

...gonna sit by the poolside,
where the sunshine sputters...


*

*



Gillyweed Ranzmalkin, The Gnome On A Pole
By: Noah Eaton
8/13/06

Lurching up there,
from his lofty perch,
sitting right above,
the Calhoun Falls Baptist Church,
loiters as taciturn,
as a village cherry birch,
a seventeen inch tall crackerjack,
of doggerel verse,
he’s a pale-faced pantaloon,
all dressed up in motley,
gardeners are intimidated by his stare,
as though he’s V.I Warshawski,
no one’s sure if this is some publicity stunt,
or if he just sites there like some Maltese cat,
maybe he just loves a first-class seat,
to behold some old world chat.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
among some it’s generating,
a heightened row,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
standing stonily quiet from his tall abode.

Among some folklore fruitcakes,
Gillyweed Rainmaking’s a working class hero,
but he’s got his disparagers too,
including his troll neighbor Nacklemadge Yamashiro,
and the Garden Gnome Liberation Front,
has trained a reconnoiterer woodpecker,
plotting to gnome-nap this josher,
deport him back to Lamport Hall in Northamptonshire,
but generally speaking, most have come to his defense,
such as Freiden Farfrigraganuergen,
founder of the group Gnomes In Space,
with a face as green as a gherkin,
he’s holding talks with the church groundskeeper,
who swears Gillyweed’s peering at her over the hedge rows,
by the looks of it,
it may take years to agree to a quid pro quo.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
his flesh is as powdery,
as dry pastry dough,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
flooding the headlines on local talk shows.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
beginning to have mushrooms,
growing out of his big toe,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
tourists have begun pouring in,
from to and fro,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
he spots stolen doughnut trucks,
faster than you can say “Inspector Costeau!”,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
who knows what secrets,
this lavender cone-hatted uncle bestows.


*

*



Gravity Assist
By: Noah Eaton
8/5/06

Let me show you a secret,
that I’ve always wanted to share,
because fiction reveals deep truths,
that reality can dissolve into thin air,
walking this interplanetary dust cloud tightrope,
4,700 kilometers between Saturn’s rings,
gently falling in the direction,
that your gravity carries me.

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams...

Swimming between faces in scrapbooks,
that I’ve recognized for so long,
daydreaming August afternoons away,
imagining I’m bringing you along,
there’s so much I want to say,
there’s so much I want you to know,
sometimes I feel tempted,
pushing Saturn into some black hole.

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

You’re my moon-kissed mermaid,
diving in the seas of the Milky Way,
your eyelashes gleam brighter than the sun’s corona,
during a Vanuatu honeymoon...

…no pair of binoculars,
nor any choice of words,
can describe this amorous homesick feeling,
blowing over me like a sand dune in Cancun...
.
.
.
Everything you imagine must be real,
cause everything happens when you dream,
my perception is like a rocket,
destined to chase you around the galaxies’ jet stream...

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams...


*

*



Down By The Waterfront
By: Noah Eaton
7/2/06

Couples speed along the lane,
on their ten-speed bikes,
along the sparkling Willamette,
when the summer afternoon is ripe,
it’s hot as a pair of jumper cables,
at a tailgate party barbecue,
so I walk barefoot on the grass along the sidewalk,
and lie there staring up into the blue.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity…

The sound of meaty blues guitar,
fills the scenery with electricity,
young lovers drive up on cavalries of motorboats,
just so they can lay back and hear them swing,
a captain’s laughter echoes from Riverplace Marina.
you can swear he commandeers Lady Washington,
I feel I could chase this river down,
all the way to Tualatin.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity…

If you saw a heat wave,
would you wave it right back,
let it pack away your troubles,
and send them off to extended summer camp,
I can only begin to imagine all you’ll share with me,
when you first buzz by like a dragonfly,
with dockside delights doubly as divine,
each and every hot summer night.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity...

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity...


*

*



Injection Fairy Lily
By: Noah Eaton
6/29/06

Heart of clear water,
plush Amazoness tiger,
flittering like a butterfly in zero gravity,
graceful charity,
kaleidoscopic dexterity,
riddling every cloud of summer with cavities,
stir-fried in a mystic wok,
basted in the Saigon dawn.
lost in the labyrinth of her fitting room,
a pineapple blast,
vast and unsurpassed,
ooh, the indigo broom of her perfume...

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

Token of thanksgiving,
transcendent wings reliving,
with twin swords of flashing light,
a walking hidden book of spell,
with a heart of the underdog’s heavy swell,
arousing youth in every carpet knight,
a mermaid gymnast in a voodoo tutu,
with a meadow rue tattoo,
caretaker of the cocoon of evolution,
atomic firefly that winks like a sphinx,
just a pinch of high jinks can put you to forty winks,
she’s my celestial transformation Lilliputian.

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

(Oh ho ho,
star chips,
my favorite,
oh ho ho!)

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

...injection fairy lily...

...silly but sweet as Chantilly...

...injection fairy lily...


*

*

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Friday, August 11, 2006



The Dream Life Of Lampy The Lamport

Well, aren’t we feeling all Nac Mac Feegle today! I certainly know our fellow Fulton, Missouri residents Don and Karen Walker are in that their red-capped, knee-length bearded buddy Edgar has returned to home sweet home after being gnome-napped for over two months, from the end of May through last Sunday, when he was returned by a stranger with 56 photographs, all featuring his truly in all his lil’ escapades out West, along with an anonymous note which read the following:

*

“My friend and I apologize if we caused you any undue worry due to the loss of your gnome. He is no doubt something of high value. Rest assured, though, we took special care of him on the duration of our trip, and have had from the beginning every intention of returning him to you. Please enjoy the pictures. We have included some of our destinations (with) your gnome, who we affectionately named Edgar. Sincerely, ? & X.”

*



Nuh-uh, I didn’t fall asleep from watching that gnome in the Travelocity commercials again this time. This is the real deal. Yep, it is strange how a Christmas gift from your mother-in-law can suddenly become the unexpected travel narrator. But ol’ Edgar did just that, hittin’ the road in his brown boots from the Walkers’ front porch out into the True Blue with Samantha Sixpack and Chan Siu Ming, traveling across at least seven state lines (Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Colorado and Kansas)



So what’d you say we take a brief mystical journey into our invisible Fisher Price 3D View-Master, and reel past just some of the Reel Cards of Edgar’s misadventures. Just sit back and then, try to picture this intense imagery and then run the images through your mind like triptychs from top to bottom really fast as if it was a negative film of a cartoon. God Bless William Gruber, he's a true genius, for among all those children's classics out there, the View-Master will never grow obsolete as the films just keep coming! Crreeaaaakkkk...TWANG!!! Slide 1: Oh, lookey, there's me with a pecan log from Stuckeys! Crrreeeaaaakkkkkk...TWANG!!! Slide 2: Hehehe, check out that low-rider bicycle! Here, you take it from here! TWAANNGGG!



Slide 1: Aye, here I am at the Kansas-Colorado border! Would you believe they have a town named Kanorado here? When I first stepped foot into town for a twenty-two ounce flask of Zauberlinda Jelly, I was so shy I wish there was a toadstool I could hide behind. But ohhhhh, Kanorado is such a small, friendly town. They let me hop aboard this Drover Rail Car that is over a hundred years old, treated me to the Piper At The Gates Of Dawn Special at the Little Butterfly Café, and have even invited me to their Christmas party at the post office later this year. Aye, parting is such sweet sorrow, but the Centennial State should provide plenty more colorful odes, ho ho!



Slide 2: Holy Kallikantzaroi! Who knew you could be the visitor of four states at once? Aye, if I wanted I could construct a tall pole exactly where the corners of all four states touch, build a little glass dome castle on top of it, and I could obtain legal residence to all four states! Ahhhhh…imagine having the Arizona sun at my back, the Utah sand dunes at my sight, that New Mexico enchantment enhance my imagination and those Colorado colors imbue my dreams! How I fancy that!



.......and so on! Just keepin' it Reel, y'all! LOL! Yep, word has it that Edgar also has a taste for the eccentric, including sharing a moment with the World’s Largest Prairie Dog in Colby, Kansas, spending a night under the stars with the Klingons at Area 51, and visiting Oakley, Kansas as well, home to the six-legged steer, a five-legged cow, a Russian wild boar, and Roscoe the miniature donkey. Apparently, he also lost some innocence at one point in his epic journey, when he was caught red-mitten gloved underneath a sign for the Boom Boom Cabaret, a famous topless club in Amarillo, Texas.



Edgar also made his share of friends beyond the beaten path, including a toll-booth worker on the Kansas Turnpike, and a biker decked in black paused to take a snapshot with him before riding off on his motorcycle. Just the sorts of faces that would even make Amelie glow green with envy!



Yep, ever since Edgar has returned home for well-deserved relaxation from his cross-country voyage, he has remained stonily quiet about his summer adventure, just lettin’ those pictures do the talking. Also to his delight, he now has a little brother added to his family, who has been standing in the very spot he was in part of the two months he was away. Perhaps someday his new little brother will be on a trip of his very own, and can have lots of exciting anecdotes to tell Edgar in the coming years. Rumor has it his lifelong dream is to visit Nome, Alaska! (giggles)



It remains a mystery what tempted Edgar to leave his garden home? One theory is that the Blue Fairy whispered the idea in his ear, a second suggests he was a fan of Bilbo Baggins and wanted to emulate his famous journies. Yet another theory is that he has been longing liberation, and in a clandestine manner contacted the Garden Gnome Liberation Fronts, or GGLF; an organization that “stand for the liberation of garden gnomes." that believes that each of these plastic gnome statues have spirits within, as well as human rights, and take them, leave them in the woods with claim tickets, smash the plastic statues, and let their spirits free from their material exterior, where their spirits return to Mother Nature and the woods. However, in an attempt to reach the envoy, a counter-GGLF group, Mischievious Melismatics For Gnome Globetrotting, beat them to the clock and foiled their coup. (giggles)



And yes, there really is a Garden Gnome Liberation Front, which is largely an underground movement as their primary methods of liberation often subvert local trespass and property laws. There is also a separate but related group, which goes by the name Free The Gnomes, a legitimate political wing of the subversive Garden Gnome Liberation Front, which seeks to further the rights of gnomes around the world through legal, non-violent means. The fundamental premise of this and most Garden Gnome Liberation groups is that Gnomes, like humans, have an inalienable right to freedom, and have a mission core belief that forcing Gnomes to stand in gardens without just compensation and against their free will is equivalent to slavery, thus is immoral. One such refuge for freedom loving gnomes is the European Gnome Sanctuary in Barga, Tuscany. Of course, there are others who believe that Garden Gnomes are non-sentient, and that concern for their well-being are exaggerated, as depicted in the campaign Gnomes In Space.



Anyway, wanna bet that Edgar’s little brother will be named David? LOL! Remember that cartoon, “David The Gnome”? I used to watch that often as a little boy on Nickelodeon, which is based on the children’s books written by Rien Poortvliet and Wil Huygen. David is probably one of my earliest influences to my pacifist beliefs, in that David was that kind of guy who believed goodness would always prevail eventually, and had a heart full of faith that together each gnome would play their faithful roles. I miss that lil’ sage sooooooooo much, but his theme song lyrics of wisdom shall forever be penned in my heart:



*

"Look around you.
There are many things to see,
that some would say could never be.
These things I know.
It's true and I will tell you so.
They are there to see, if you believe.

Trolls and wizards and fairy kings,
birds that talk and fish that sing.
And if your heart is true, then you will find them too.
In every wish and dream and happy home,
you will find a kingdom of the Gnomes."


*



So I ask y’all, as Granny D says, to let your spirits soar, for she says, “Our joy is our longbow!”, and may we let our joy travel about like David on his trusty fox Swift, who we can summon just by whistling! (giggles) David For President, Edgar For The Department Of Folklore! :)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Monday, July 31, 2006



Ardent, Amazing Astrological Artichoke

I just thought I'd take the moment to share my full-length astrological reading to y'all, for y'all who want to get to know the widest breadth of me as influenced by the cosmos! (giggles) Here it is:

My Astrological Natal Chart

My Full-Length Astrological Report

*



*

Section 1: General Characteristics

Your fundamental needs, values, and orientation towards life are symbolized by the four astrological elements. Each person has their own unique balance of these four basic energies: fire (warmth, inspiration, enthusiasm), earth (practicality, realism, material interests), air (social and intellectual qualities), and water (emotional needs and feelings).

Your "elemental make-up" is described below. Remember that most people are "unbalanced" or lopsided, and if you are lacking or deficient in a certain element (or elements), it simply means that you need to consciously develop that aspect of yourself to learn to appreciate and/or to work harder in that dimension of life.

Sometimes we overvalue the element that we are least endowed with, sensing it as a lack within ourselves, but more often we neglect or ignore it. The qualities described below will be reiterated and explained in more detail in the following chapters.

It is very difficult for you to be objective, detached, or to view a situation from anyone else's point of view - your own feelings and personal experiences color your judgment too much. Though you may sympathize or feel for someone, you may in fact not really understand where they are coming from.

You need to develop the ability to stand back and reflect on life, to analyze a situation logically. Also, it's very important for you to learn to communicate. Because you sense and feel so much, you may expect others to know what you are experiencing without telling them anything. As mentioned above, words don't come easily to you but you would benefit greatly by learning to articulate and express yourself verbally - otherwise you can stew in your own feelings too much, or find yourself at the mercy of your own poorly-understood emotional patterns.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 1:
Water is Strong, Air is Weak (F,E,A,W Scores = 4,8,1,36)


*



*

Section 2: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

The following is a description of your basic stance towards life, the way others see you, the way you come across, the face you show to the world. In Chapter 3 you will read about the "The Inner You: Your Real Motivation", which describes the kind of person you are at heart and where your true priorities lie. Read this chapter and the next one and compare them - there may be significant differences between them, in which case "the inner you" may not shine through and others are in for some surprises when they get to know you at a more than superficial level. This chapter describes the costume you wear, your role in life, while Chapter 3 talks about the real person inside the costume.

You are very strong-willed and proud, but intensely private and not easy to know well. Behind your quiet exterior lies a great deal of emotional depth, sensitivity, complexity, and also fierce determination. When you want something you go after it rather quietly but insistently and wholeheartedly - and you usually get it.

You are not a person who lives lightly or superficially. You want to live passionately and intensely and are not averse to challenge, danger, or to facing the darker side of life - human pain and struggle. You function well in crisis situations and often seek them out, for you enjoy the feeling of living at full capacity.

You are very intuitive about other people and especially about their unspoken feelings and hidden motives. You usually have strong, immediate gut reactions, either positive or negative, which prove to be correct. You approach life very instinctively and are not always fully conscious of why you feel or act as you do. You also have a very strong affinity with animals - an acute sensitivity and a nonverbal kind of rapport with them.

In relation to others, you are rather cautious, sometimes even suspicious, until you get to know and trust them - and trust doesn't come easily to you. When you commit yourself emotionally to someone, be it friend or lover, you are intensely loyal and devoted to them and you also expect the same kind of unwavering, undying loyalty in return. If you are ever betrayed by someone you care deeply for, you are capable of hating and retaliating with as much fervor as you once loved. Nothing is done halfway. In fact, you are intensely involved and often jealously attached to whatever you care about, be it person, idea, or cause. There is definitely a streak of emotional fanaticism in you.

Because of your natural reserve, others may see you as something of an enigma. You are quite self-protective and often defensive. You are also very magnetic, especially to members of the opposite sex.

You have a sweet, appealing demeanor and seem instinctively to grasp the concept that "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". Your personal brand of charm is usually quite winning. You coax rather than coerce. However, if you do not get what you want, you are likely to resort to insincere flattery, wheedling, whining, or pouting rather than stating directly what you need, or doing for yourself. You seem to need others' approval first.

You are assertive and bold. You are willing to be the first person to speak up and make your position known, and to strike out on your own if necessary. You generally get along better with men than with women because your approach is quite direct and sometimes tactless and insensitive as well. You can be a bit too forceful. However, your boldness is your calling card, and most people feel that you can at least be trusted to be honest with them.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 2:
Scorpio Rising
Venus Sextile Asc.
Mars Sextile Asc.


*



*

Section 3: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Many of the traits discussed in the previous chapter are emphasized again below. Your intuition is usually correct, but there are also times when you obstinately and passionately pursue your goal when a more flexible attitude and open communication with others would benefit you greatly.

Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

You also have a powerful need for deep emotional involvement and you form very intense love bonds and attachments. You are possessive and often jealous of anyone or anything that you perceive as a threat to your bond with someone you love. When you commit yourself to someone or something, you are wholeheartedly devoted and expect complete loyalty in return. You merge with or "marry" the person you love at a very deep level and therefore separations are extremely painful for you, and often stormy and nasty. When you have been wounded, you are not inclined to turn the other cheek and will retaliate if at all possible. Certainly you will never forget the injury and often you harbor grievances and resentments for a long, long time. Forgiveness doesn't come easily to you.

Whatever you do, you do with passion and fervor, and you often go to extremes. You are either hot or cold, never lukewarm about anything. You can also be very narrow: either you are 100% involved in something or else it doesn't exist for you at all. Rarely are you emotionally detached and objective. You definitely have a fanatical streak. You are also immensely strong-willed and your tenacity in pursuing your objectives often borders on being obsessive. Fierce pride, courage, and emotional strength are yours in abundance.

You love mysteries and are deeply attracted to the hidden, dark, secret side of life. You never take things at face value and are always probing beneath the surface of people and situations to discover what is REALLY going on. You tend to be more of a cynic than an idealist.

You tend to get involved in the helping professions or in activities where your efforts are hidden, behind the scenes, unacknowledged, or unknown to the public. Asserting yourself or getting up in front of an audience may be exceedingly uncomfortable for you.

You tend to see things from your perspective only and to be rather subjective. You also enjoy talking and expressing your views but you don't always listen as well. You have a clear mind, a love of learning and new experiences, and need constant mental stimulation and activity.

You have a mature and often somber demeanor. You are serious, reserved, self-disciplined, highly responsible and conscientious. You advance in life rather slowly, through your own efforts and persistence. You are also rather stern and judgmental, especially with yourself. Cautious and careful, it is difficult for you to really let go, to be spontaneous and playful. You like to be in control of yourself.

Inwardly you are zealous and fanatical, though you may hide your personal desires and intentions, and the intensity of your feelings. You are driven by a deep inner sense of destiny and mission and an almost compulsive desire for personal recognition. You have an infatuation with power and are incredibly willful and stubbornly fixated on achieving greatness or being Somebody Special. You tend to worship heroes who have powerful personal magnetism and charisma, and often seek to
emulate them. You have potential for tremendous good or tremendous evil.

You are very thorough and take your time thinking things through. You enjoy games that require a lot of concentration and thought, like chess for example. You also could find traveling very rewarding.

You have a strong will and great determination and are willing to work hard to reach your goals. You often take on more than your share and labor untiringly, sparing yourself no pain in your work. You should guard against over-exerting yourself physically.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 3:
Ascendant in Scorpio and Sun in Scorpio
Sun in Scorpio
Sun in 12th house
Sun Conjunct Mercury
Sun Conjunct Saturn
Sun Conjunct Pluto
Sun Conjunct Mercury/Saturn
Sun Conjunct Saturn/Pluto


*



*

Section 4: Mental Interests and Abilities

You have good mental concentration and the ability to become completely immersed in your work. You seem to know things at an instinctive, nonverbal level and prefer learning through direct experience or apprenticeship rather than vicariously via books or lectures. You have mechanical ability and work well with your hands. You could become adept at sculpture, pottery, carpentry, stained glass, or anything that involves doing and making things manually. Biology (and related fields such as medicine) interests you as well. You also have an instinctive rapport with animals, and may feel you relate better to them than to people! You tend to become narrowly focused upon your own specialized interests and may not have much to say or communicate outside that field.

You don't speak up readily, even when you have a lot to say! Also, your mind tends to drift and you find it difficult to study very factual material that doesn't have much color or imaginative appeal. Your intuition and first impressions are likely to be quite accurate, however, and you tend to depend upon this faculty in making decisions.

Your mind is serious and deep, and you will rarely offer an opinion on any matter until you have thoroughly considered and studied it. You have excellent powers of concentration and enjoy studying or thinking deeply in solitude. You have an aptitude for research or doing mental work which requires precise, organized thinking, attention to detail, and a methodical approach. You are conservative and something of a skeptic, and may be narrow-minded and closed to new ideas, especially if there is no concrete proof or scientific verification of them. Socially, you are rather reserved, uncommunicative, and uncomfortable with light, frivolous conversation.

Suspicious that appearances are superficial and masking the "real nitty-gritty", you are always probing beneath the surface to uncover the deeper, hidden aspects of a matter. You are interested in anything secret or mysterious. You have great powers of concentration and a penetrating mind, with an aptitude for research, investigative reporting, or detective work. You are also keenly observant and seem to have "x-ray vision" regarding the inner motivations and intentions of other people. You could make an excellent psychotherapist, uncovering the deeper causes and roots of a person's emotional problems. You may also be drawn to esoteric or occult studies and the development of unusual mental powers. Stories of mystery, intrigue, and espionage fascinate you.

You know what you want to accomplish and have a tendency to strive toward a superior intellect. You are prudent and a convincing speaker with the ability to influence others. But you push yourself tirelessly and tend to overstrain your nerves.

You are very thorough and are likely to commit yourself to some type of study or research work. Not very talkative, you try to avoid contact with others as much as possible and prefer to do your work in seclusion or solitude.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 4:
Mercury in Scorpio
Mercury in 12th house
Mercury Conjunct Saturn
Mercury Conjunct Pluto
Mercury Conjunct Sun/Pluto
Mercury Conjunct Saturn/Pluto


*



*

Section 5: Emotions: Moods, Feelings, Romance

You respond very much to the emotional tone and atmosphere around you, and can be dominated by your fluctuating and unpredictable moods. You often appear irrational to others because you cannot always explain the reason or source of your feelings. Anyone who lives with you must accept your ups and downs and appreciate your need for times of withdrawal.

You are also very sympathetic and understand the unspoken feelings and needs of others. You take slights and rebuffs very personally and though you may forgive a transgression by a friend or loved one, you never forget it.

You may have done extensive traveling in your early years, or in some way had a background which enables you to understand and identify with many different types of people or cultures.

You have a craving for things which are far away and foreign or for things you have never experienced before. You want to completely immerse yourself in the feelings and tastes of a new place, rather than simply have facts or an intellectual appreciation. Emotionally, too, you are restless and something of a wanderer.

Highly sensitive and rather easily taken in, you need to beware of deceiving yourself and allowing others to take advantage of your impressionability or gentleness. Daydreaming, fantasizing, or other forms of imaginative, escapist behavior (such as watching television excessively or living your life through romance novels) could be something of an addiction for you. You tend to confuse images with reality and need to learn to be more circumspect and discriminating. Disappointments through women and in close relationships may occur if you do not.

You have intense desires and feelings and your personal relationships are deeply emotional, passionate, and often stormy and painful as well. There are powerful magnetic ties between yourself and those you care about, and you could become emotionally obsessed by another person. Your feelings can become so urgent and compelling that you do things that are not rational. You undergo periodic emotional upheavals and purging, when you must break all ties, release the past and begin anew.

You are quietly devoted and faithful to your loved ones, and often become a kind of servant to your love partner. You are more comfortable showing love for someone by doing something for them, making something for them, or simply being there for them -rather than telling them so in a romantic, soul-stirring sort of way. You are timid about expressing too much sentiment or emotion. You also underestimate your attractiveness and lovability and doubt your own worthiness to receive love and appreciation.

Promoting beauty, the arts, or entertainment can make you very happy. You want to contribute something positive and loving to the world at large and you want to be recognized for your beauty, artistic gifts, or loving generosity. You may "marry" your work - that is, be more involved in your career than in your private life. You are a natural hostess or diplomat.

You are extremely amorous and it is difficult for you to go without a romantic involvement for very long. When you are attracted to someone, you pursue them very ardently and sometimes come on too strong. Doing creative work or artistic work can also satisfy the very strong desire for love and beauty that you feel.

You may be subject to periodic changes of mood, are serious, somewhat somber, and you seem to lack confidence in yourself and could have trouble giving of yourself. You tend to withdraw from others, expecting to be disappointed if you let anyone come too close.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 5:
Moon in Cancer
Moon in 9th house
Moon Quincunx Neptune
Moon Square Pluto
Venus in Virgo
Venus in 10th house
Venus Conjunct Mars
Venus Conjunct Moon/Saturn


*



*

Section 6: Drive and Ambition: How You Achieve Your Goals

You are a perfectionist and have high standards for your own work. You often feel that if you want something done right you must do it yourself, for others do not do as thorough a job as you do. Doing a task well is very important to you, and you may labor over minute details that others wouldn't bother with. You strive for accuracy, efficiency, and precision, and you become very irritable when things are not done "right".

On the other hand, you can become so much of a perfectionist and so self-critical that you will not even attempt many activities and projects, feeling that your efforts simply won't be good enough. You are usually modest and realistic in assessing what you can accomplish and, if anything, you underestimate yourself. Of course, practice makes perfect, and if you do apply yourself diligently in some area, you gradually gain self-confidence as you master skills and develop expertise.

You conserve your energy and pace yourself so that you do not waste or diffuse your efforts. An unwillingness to take risks or venture from the beaten track can sometimes limit your opportunities. In short, you may not aim high enough and settle for too little in life.

You are likely to be known for your drive, energy, ambition, and competitive spirit. A successful career based on your ability to take initiative, be a leader, or excel in physical strength and prowess is likely. You most definitely want to be a winner and will work hard to achieve that.

You seem to lack determination and have a sense of inferiority. You tend to think negatively about yourself and are inclined to downgrade yourself. But you have strong self-control, accept hardship well and have the desire to overcome your difficulties.

You have a spiritual gift or vocation which colors your personal ambitions and drive for achievement. Helping people or serving the Whole is part of your role in life. Music, the arts, entertainment, and/or using imagery, visualization, or imagination can be aspects of your work in the world, also.

You have an aptitude for detective or research work, or any field that involves digging beneath the surface for the hidden elements. An interest in psychology, hypnosis, and utilizing subconscious forces or subliminal messages may well be a key factor in your career.

Whatever your choice of profession, you are apt to feel a sense of inner mission about it and may pursue it with great zeal and intensity.

You have a natural ability to integrate with groups and could very well form your own associations or groups. There is likely to be a special soul-link between you and the friends you choose. You also have a tendency to fight other people's battles.

You have a desire to teach other people what you know and may be interested in a career that serves the public through some educational programs. You are a very stimulating companion, but want to be the central figure in dicussions.

You are inclined to be a bit eccentric, and difficulties with members of your family or friends may cause you to feel depressed and alone frequently. You may be drawn more to older people.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 6:
Mars in Virgo
Mars in 10th house
Mars Conjunct Moon/Saturn
Neptune Trine MC
Pluto Sextile MC
MC Conjunct Sun/N. Node
MC Conjunct Mercury/N. Node
MC Conjunct Saturn/N. Node


*



*

Section 7: Growth and Expansion: Areas That You Enjoy

Your strength lies in your ability to see the whole, rather than only the parts which compose it. You have a deep need to explore the world and to develop your own philosophy of life and sense of personal meaning. You vacillate between being open-minded and tolerant of differing views, and being dogmatic or overly zealous about your own viewpoint.

You have an optimistic outlook on life and to others you appear jovial, confident, and expansive. You do what you can to be encouraging and helpful to other people, and your generosity and lack of pettiness makes you very well-liked.

Because you see yourself as a lucky person, you may feel that you can "get away with anything", without negative consequences. You tend to go to excess and have little sense of moderation (or even caution, at times).

You are very enthusiastic and high-spirited. You inject a positive, optimistic note into any endeavor, and others enjoy your fun-loving and enterprising attitude.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 7:
Jupiter in Sagittarius
Jupiter in 1st house
Jupiter Conjunct Uranus


*



*

Section 8: Areas That Challenge You Or Are Difficult For You

You both yearn for, and fear, being emotionally vulnerable with others and experiencing deep emotional intimacy. Trusting others and letting yourself be known in a deep way doesn't come easily to you, and sexual inhibitions may result from this. You are very self-protective and may be compulsively secretive. Learning to relinquish control in personal relationships, and to be completely open, are important tasks for you.

You may have nebulous but ever-present guilts and fears that are difficult to pinpoint or eradicate. It's as if you don't trust Life itself, and are always seeking ways to defend yourself from its dangers and its unknowns. You must learn to overcome your ingrained habit of discouragement and anxiety, and to see the world more as a friendly place than as a treacherous one.

Basically shy, you tend to be somewhat inhibited in love and may feel uncomfortable or awkward expressing your love for someone. You long for love and dream about love, but also are inclined to torment yourself because of a seeming lack of affection.

You are inclined to feel inferior and may easily be taken in by others. You have to guard against being deceived or used by others, though your intentions may be good. Don't let your desire to have things cloud your ability to see what is really happening.

You often may be coerced into doing things that you don't want to do, leaving you frustrated, irritable and touchy. You could turn hard and unforgiving toward others and may break up some important relationships.


Now we will discuss patterns of behavior which you instinctively and habitually revert to when under stress - a mostly unconscious process and one which you are apt to overdo because it is so familiar and thus easy for you. The direction you need to follow in order to develop balance, greater awareness, and wholeness is also described.

You need to take what you have learned (either through formal education or your own questing and life experience) and share it with others, communicate it, express it in a way others can benefit from. Knowledge and understanding which does not enhance the quality of life for yourself and others in your world is of little real value. Putting your understanding, philosophy, and convictions into practice in your daily
interactions with people, and in the multiple small choices you make everyday will enable you to really test your belief system and discover more about life.

When under stress you are apt to seek refuge in imagining that the grass is greener elsewhere, rather than working with what is at hand. Cultivate your ability to live in the present!

The arena you are most likely to wrestle with these issues is in relationships that are more than superficial or casual - in particular where you and another have merged emotionally, legally, or financially. You will see these issues arise in close partnerships of any kind, especially when there is a mutual dependency on one another. Dealing with in-laws, inheritances, and legal matters involving joint custody, shared assets, and resources is also a part of this.

You tend to be a bit too idealistic and may place too much hope on your associations with others, resulting in frequent disappointments. You could be attracted to naive people, but some of your contacts also may turn out to be swindlers.

You tend to be fascinated by new and obscure things and may be strongly attracted to the occult. You may contribute to spontaneous forming of groups and could gain spiritual enlightenment together with other people.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 8:
Saturn in Scorpio
Saturn in 12th house
Saturn Conjunct Venus/Neptune
Saturn Conjunct Mars/Neptune
Saturn Conjunct Pluto/Asc.
N. Node in Gemini
N. Node in 8th house
N. Node Opposition Jupiter/Neptune
N. Node Opposition Uranus/Neptune


*



*

Section 9: Originality and Imagination: Areas Where You Are Creative, Unique, Unstable, or Compulsive

You are an unconventional and innovative person, and you are seen as a rebel, reformer, or highly unusual in your manners, appearance, or attitudes. You enjoy being unpredictable, and you do not conform to the standards that other people have set. Above all, you are an individual, and you do what you please regardless of customs and norms. Your environment and life circumstances may change frequently and abruptly.

You may have a great deal of confusion over money, financial matters, and ownership. Perhaps these things mean very little to you. Or possibly you simply don't know how to deal with them in a realistic, effective way.

Also, you may make your living through artistic, musical, or highly imaginative endeavors.

You have a deep interest in secrets, the underworld or unconscious, and anything hidden and mysterious. Psychoanalysis, investigating your dreams, and other methods of uncovering secrets are very interesting to you. You may be exceptionally perceptive intuitively or psychically. Your emotions and subconscious energies are complex, and periodic transformations and personal crises are sprinkled liberally throughout your lifetime.

You tend to submit to other people's wishes too easily and put their needs before your own. At times you may suddenly realize their underhanded motives and find out that they were only trying to deter you from the pursuit of your objectives.

Your desire for love is very strong and you are extremely popular. You have what it takes to fascinate many people and are likely to have a good measure of social power. Your generosity is great, and no one who comes to you for help will be turned away.

You have an extraordinary spirit of enterprise and seem to be a born entrepreneur. You are inclined to take on big projects or enterprises and are likely to have unusual successes. You probably experienced definite successes early in life.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 9:
Uranus in 1st house
Neptune in 2nd house
Pluto in 12th house
Uranus Conjunct Neptune/Asc.
Pluto Conjunct Venus/Jupiter
Pluto Conjunct Mars/Jupiter


*

Section 10: Generational Influences: Your Age Group

In this chapter we will discuss characteristics and traits of your generation. Of course, you may not share all of the characteristics of your generation, but you are greatly affected by the tone that is set by your generation.

The first topic is "The Subconscious and Emotional Drive of Your Age Group". In this section we will describe a deeply felt urge, even compulsion, of your age group. This deeply felt drive comes to the surface with great force and power, and consequently leaves in its wake considerable upheaval and change. The second topic is "The Ideals and Illusions of Your Age Group", that describes the dreams, fantasies, and spiritual aspirations of your age group. The third and last topic is "What is New and Different in Your Age Group", which describes areas in which your age group tends to be innovative, inventive, unusual, and also where it may be unstable and unreliable.

The characteristics described below may affect a group of people for anywhere from a few years to about 30 years. There are one or more different astrological factors described in each of the three sections below.

*



*

The Subconscious and Emotional Drive of Your Age Group

You are part of a 12 year group of people who are deeply interested in personal relationships. Your age group has a deeply-rooted yearning to see people relating and communicating with each other effectively and harmoniously. There is little egotism and a willingness to hear the other person's side of the story and a readiness to compromise and arbitrate different points of view. In fact, the need for harmonious, peaceful relationships is so strong that there is a tendency to overlook real differences and to focus only on the similarities in an attempt to bring different parties into harmony with each other.

Interest in psychology and sociology is high in your age group. There is a tremendous heightening of awareness of social skills. Your age group will experiment with different marriage styles, family relationships, and even business relationships in an attempt to bring fair treatment and effective communication between people. Interest and appreciation for other cultures is also strong, and your age group will work hard to preserve and support the cultural heritage of all ethnic groups.

Your strong yearning for equitable and harmonious relationships is also reflected in major advancements in trade agreements, arms control, and international cooperation that are designed and implemented by your generation. These agreements and policies foster a much safer and more cooperative environment for all, although there is also a tendency for greedy individuals to take advantage of the conciliatory atmosphere and twist situations to their own ends.

In short, you are part of a generation of individuals who are deeply interested in other people; you are a humanistic and humanitarian group. You will struggle and experiment with personal relationships, and forge new models for how people can relate as friends, family members, and members of nations as well.

*



*

The Ideals and Illusions of Your Age Group

You are part of a 14 year group of people that are extremely idealistic and farsighted in their dreams. Your age group is very liberal and expansive in outlook, and consequently churches become much more flexible and more eclectic in their approach during your life time. Religions that do not adapt to the broad-minded attitude of your age group simply are unable to attract very much interest and involvement from you.

A great deal of metaphysical musing and speculation is evident in your age group, and there is a very strong interest in all manner of psychic phenomena, UFO's, prophecy, etc. This interest will open many new doors and insights, but will also often lead to a great deal of fantasizing and speculation that is taken more seriously than it should be.

The entire generation to which you belong has tremendous opportunities for spiritual rebirth and awakening. This will not be forced upon you or precipitated by unavoidable events, rather it comes from an inner yearning and a natural propensity to seek the depths.

*



*

What is New and Different in Your Age Group

You are part of a 7 year group of people who are extremely enterprising and forward-looking. You are optimists and explorers. Your age group shoots for the stars, figuratively and literally. Space exploration takes on new dimensions as your age group pushes fervently to the next frontier. There is a buoyant and youthful optimism and enthusiasm in your group, and you have your share of great discoveries as well as pipe dreams and disillusionment. The discoveries and contributions, however, are many, and more than compensate for the failures.

Astrological influences analyzed in Chapter 10:
Pluto in Libra
Neptune in Sagittarius
Neptune Sextile Pluto
Uranus in Sagittarius


*

Soon I hope to have other entire astrological read-outs available on other topics, yay! :)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)