My Security Blanket

What I find to be the most fascinating aspect in writing ones own autobiography is to shed light on the deepest catacombs of ones soul. Yet, beyond the amethyst caves, there is so much more, and there is one mammoth condition of my life I'm open to share to all of you, in my loudest tone.

As I previously mentioned, I went through a deep depression throughout much of my childhood, particularly because both everyone misunderstood me and I even misunderstood myself. As kids my own age kept bullying me each and every day, it made me ultra-sensitive to seemingly everything in the school environment. I would go home many days with my arms or legs or face bleeding and take salt baths and cry to myself in them. My mother got very concerned and hugged me gently crying so many days worried and wondering what was wrong with me and what the remedy can be.

It wasn't until I was about 12 years old that upon a trip to a psychiatrist, the doctor discovered what I had. I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, also known as Autistic Psychopathy.



For those of you unfamiliar with the condition (It has only been recently identified to professionals and parents and was added to the DSM IV in 1994) it is a neurobiological disorder first discovered by a German doctor named Hans Asperger in 1944, when he wrote a thesis discussing people with idiosyncratic behavior, one year after Leo Kanner completed his paper on autism. He identified that patients had lucid speech before age 4 (that wasn't my case) grammar and vocabulary are usually above average, speech is sometimes flat, and conversations always revolve around oneself.

In addition, the following things also are usually found in children and adults diagnosed with AS:

* Obsessed with complex topics
* IQs are average or above average
* Dyslexia is common in patients
* Writing problems (Not me! )
* Mathematics problems (Though I am not interested, I was able to do 8th grade math in the first grade, my mentor Barb Miller told me)
* Lack common sense (Then again, some of us only dream for the good of others)
* Concrete thinking (versus abstract) (I feel I am the opposite, as though I have improved thinking concrete, I love thinking abstract as I struggle to critique and argue specific points)
* Movements are clumsy and awkward (As a boy, definitely, though I have improved great lengths)
* Odd forms of self-stimulatory behavior
* Sensory problems much stronger than those with autism
* Socially aware but struggles to make appropriate interaction
* Often also diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and Hyperactivity Disorder. (Not me)
* Have difficulties with change (Definitely, though I can tolerate some change as long as tradition in myself and the world is kept)
* Ultra-sensitive to sounds, sights, and tastes (Definitely, though it was much more scary as a boy. When I was in a movie theatre, I cried aloud the sounds were too loud and the screen had too much light! Now the movies feel right at home to me! )
* Children may sound like "little professors"
* Prefer routine (I somewhat disagree. Routine to me is depressing and I desire a life filled with adventure. We all keep in routine with what we love to do, and I love poetry, KBOO and Monday night sitcoms, but we only live once and the last thing I want to do is sit in total routine.)
* Excellent memory
* Obsessed with spinning objects
* Hyperlexia is commonly demonstrated
* Susceptible to teasing and bullying (Boys at school always teased me of being "short" and "girlish")



Sadly, many autistic and AS patients have cases so severe, they fail to be able to open up at all to the world and lose all their confidence, thus leaving them isolated forever. Every time I know this truth, I cry to God, thanking Him so much for giving me the ability to communicate and live like everyone else and I ask Him to please watch over all His children who have severe cases and please understand the and let them be hugged and embraced by His gentleness. Sometimes I feel I am an entire new breed of AS that science has yet to pinpoint, that loves to think abstract and wants to live by adventure rather than routine, etc. My sophomore high school year teacher Mr. Ernewein said he never doubted I am one of a kind, and in his honor I want to keep proving that each day and show my multi-facetedness.

Though I still am not the best socializer, I am improving every year, and Denver Academy really gave me the opportunity to open to many, and it worked! I am so grateful to have many friends I'll never forget there, most of whom are teachers but I also made a few friends my own age! I am so grateful to have y'all as my friends! We are family...doo doo doo doo......doo doo doo doo! (giggles)



Truly, what makes you different is truly like the security blanket Lionel always held close while sucking his thumb. Some may say he was childish, but truly he is so much wiser than many thought. He appreciated the notion that you must always hold something dear, and why not let that be what you cherish. His blanket was like his soul brother, his thumb like his heart beating on the outside, and sucking it like giving his heart a kiss. At least that's what I felt, I believe it's open to so many interpretations.

Charles Schulz was a genius, not only were the characters he created classics, but he also applied a unique philosophy to every character in every comic strip edition he created. God Bless You, rest in peace, Charles.



And this is exactly why I am the great optimist I am now, why I see so much sunshine and wonder in life now. Because after all I've been through, all the confusion and despair in my childhood, all the coping with Asperger's Syndrome and the emotional abuse and loneliness I dealt with...the love of my parents and others who embraced my differences with open, loving arms wide open taught me how special I am, and the more I've learned of this still-mysterious condition, I see how lucky I am in that I have been blessed with the gift of communication, and despite too many tragic stories of those diagnosed with this and cannot speak or communicate who my heart continues to weep for warmth and comfort to bless their gentle heats, I can speak, I can communicate, and the thought always brings stinging tears of warmth to my eyes. :) This is the biggest reason I always have now a positive outlook in life, for if I was able to get through my sad past, I believe I can prevail through any storm, and am, optimistic our better days have yet to come! :)

So now knowing a huge part of what makes me ME, there is one thing I ask for all of you in return. Know that you all are special, and never deny what makes you special and that you are special. And know, that...I'm proud of you, as Mr. Rogers encouraged us all in one of his most beautiful songs:



I'M PROUD OF YOU

I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
I hope that you're as proud as
I am proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
I hope that you are proud

And that you're
Learning how important you are,
How important each person you see can be.
Discovering each one's specialty
Is the most important learning.

I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you.
I hope that you're as proud as
I am proud of you.
I'm proud of you.
I hope that you are proud of you, too!



God Bless You all, hold that security blanket close to your heart, or whatever you cherish that is of great value to you, and seize the day! Care Bear hugs and high fives for all!

Long Live Linus!

Love,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)