Never Hold Discussions With The Monkey When Doyle Brunson Is In The Room

Holy Homo Erectus! Here’s news that’s nutty as 12 monkeys in a 10 monkey barrel!



Watch Mikey The Chimp Go Ape On Newscast!

You better believe it! The concept of the “poker face” is about to be re-defined, as Mikey the Chimp, Elkton, Maryland’s 4 ½ year old hairball owned by Judie Harrison, the media’s philopatric primate who has divided and conquering jungle after jungle, from delivering Chimp Grams (a bouquet of jungle print balloons with autographed greeting cards and a fifteen-minute show) in clown outfits, to pushing his own merchandise line on CafePress, to performing live shows at the Wilmington Flower Market, to fast breaking and slam-dunking on the basketball court during half-time, to going bananas on a Baltimore news program, to even earning a mug shot on the CD cover of the Black Eyed Peas’ “Monkey Business” and Goodie Mob’s, “One Monkey Don't Stop No Show”, as well as centerfolding the covers of FHM and Vogue Magazines, is about ready to retire to a life of peace and quiet, but before he does so intends to cap his impressive resume with one final crowning achievement; 2006 World Series of Poker Main Event Gold Bracelet Champion! :)



Oh, giggling, eh? Well, I’ll have you know that this plucky primate is so dead serious about claiming victory, he even went through an intensive poker training program in preparation for the tournament to end all tournaments at the Rio Casino in Las Vegas, including being trained professionally in recognizing colors and shapes of suited cards, perform on television, and wear a green poker visor and sunglasses. In fact, Mikey is proving to be so intimidating he and PokerShare.com, who has backed Mikey the Chimp, is challenging a journalist in a one-on-one poker match live, as well as vowing to pay any player who loses to Mikey to come back to next year’s Main Event, where any money he wins in this tournament will go toward his retirement, with PokerShare also hoping to draw further attention to animal preservation and education.



Indeed, animal show business remains a most sensitive issue to this day, where in some areas I am deeply concerned about how animals are treated. I can understand, for instance, how young chimps can emotionally and psychologically be affected in being separated from their mothers at young ages, as most monkeys stay with their mothers until the age of eight. But I think what Judie Harrison is doing is nothing like what scientists do in testing products on primates, and when there’s no pain or jail cells involved in having monkeys in show business, I’m absolutely fine with that, and word has it that Harrison is planning to take their earnings from photo shoots and parties and build a $1.2 million habitat on five acres of land for Mikey’s own mini-sanctuary. Indeed, chimps can live to such great ages, where Cheeta, the star of a dozen Tarzan movies in the 1930s and 40s, is still living in Palm Springs.



Watch Mikey The Chimp Hold 'Em!

Watch Mikey The Chimp Go All-In On Good Morning America

Watch Mikey The Chimp After A Good Day's Play

It proved to be a hairy situation finding a non-human poker-playing candidate, with PokerShare.com spending hours in arduous research about poker-playing monkeys around the world, until drafting Mikey, the brainiest baboon around. His favorite move is going “all in,” and you can watch streaming video of Mikey practicing his “all-in” moves with trainers via his website, www.MonkeyShare.net. Yesterday afternoon at Palms Casino Resort at The Real World Suite in Las Vegas, Nevada, Mikey the Chimp appeared in a special press conference which centered around Mikey’s professional poker training, where guests received free banana splits and tall, foaming glasses of Bannarama Vodka Blended’s, on the eve of the commencement of this year’s World Series of Poker, which kicked off today.



So, we’ll wait and see if Harrah's institutes a new rule for the 2007 World Series of Poker that forbids any player from flinging his own feces during the course of tournament play. My hunch is as long as Mikey doesn’t have a wardrobe malfunction, he’s in the clear! (giggles) In fact, I am praying that whatever happens, Mikey doesn't knock out Phil Hellmuth or Mike Matusow, or they might start releasing press releases at him saying, "You can't even spell poker!" or "Quadrupedals can't even carry their chips!" Viva las Vegas & the World Series of Poker!



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Meanwhile, in the neighboring Golden State, Fresno's KFYE-FM 106.3 station has overwent a major bawdy baptizing, from Christian music, sermons and Bible parables to "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" by the Beatles, "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye, "Strokin'" by Clarence Carter, "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred and "Nasty" by Janet Jackson beginning last week, as this Kingsburg station, formerly a K-LOVE affliate station, is now declaring itself "Porn Radio", with the moniker "all sex radio, all the time," where tamer songs like Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" are also heated up by adding recorded moans and groans.



Yep, ever since Jerry Clifton, a man known for stunts with radio, also CEO of the Scottsdale, Arizona-based Pro-active Communications-Fresno purchased the station on July 17th from the Educational Media Foundation for $3.75 million, his latest quirk has generated controversy in the land of raisins, as even his two radio stations in Spokane, Washington have never attempted the "Porn Radio" format yet. The station is currently being operated out of a trailer in Kingsburg, and Clifton is working hard to move his studio into downtown Fresno.



Currently the station is commerical free, with songs on KFYE only separated by promotions for the station, with pre-recorded messages including "We are the only radio station with a stripper pole as a broadcast antenna" and a suggestion that those younger than 21 should turn off their radios because the station features "mild sexual content."



Anyway, good luck, Mr. Boombastic, you may be greeted there with some non-sexual groans at first, but everyone loves a smooth operator! So just rest that slow hand on the soundboard, just take it slow, and get in the groove! (Shucks, now here I am leading a parade of double entendres!, there's such a sweet pandemonium to radio! )Wow, come to think of many of these songs look tender-hearted and tame in comparison to some of my songs. In bridging both this story and the World Series of Poker together, check out this song I wrote titled "69 Suited".



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69 Suited
By: Noah Eaton
11/21/05

Baby, it’s cold outside,
the furnace just won’t comply,
mmm, so what’d you say we reside,
as slaves to each other tonight...

Mmm, dirty girl, let me be your rising tide,
and you can be my honey guide,
I want to taste everything you are far and wide.
Come on and slip off that hair slide,
let your hair wash over me like a high tide,
this buffet for two is all-you-can-eat, baby!

Mmmmm, what a way to live,
when you get what you give,
so let me dig through your bush,
and you can have my meat and potatoes,
ohhhhhhh,
my arms are wrapped around your thighs,
you spread your legs open wide,
as you suck my pride,
in our ravenous collide,
mmm baby, mmm baby,
let our world of numbers blow our minds!

You say, “Mmmmm, thank you!”
I say, “Mmm, you’re so welcome!”,
whatever may cum,
we will succumb,
you’re a ribbon of flesh,
wrapped around me tight in mesh,
I swear we can’t let each other go,
oh, oh,
we’re really going at it now,
whoa whoa!

Some may say it’s uncomfortable,
inconceivable, unthinkable,
to engage upside-down on any floor show,
we say,
“Malarkey, let’s get this show on the blow!”

Your hands know how to work a massage,
your lips speak moans in barrage,
I swear you feel just like a mirage,
every time I close my eyes licking your clit.
I love the way that you glow,
melting together in our shadow show,
partaking your every hole,
as you prepare for your Big O!

Mmmmm, what a way to live,
when you get what you give,
so let me dig through your bush,
and you can have my meat and potatoes,
ohhhhhhh,
my arms are wrapped around your thighs,
you spread your legs open wide,
as you suck my pride,
in our ravenous collide,
mmm baby, mmm baby,
let our world of numbers blow our minds!

You say, “Mmmmm, thank you!”
I say, “Mmm, you’re so welcome!”,
whatever may cum,
we will succumb,
you’re a ribbon of flesh,
wrapped around me tight in mesh,
I swear we can’t let each other go,
oh, oh,
we’re really going at it now,
whoa whoa!
.
.
.
Ohhhhhhhhh,
mmm, ah, mmm ah,
mmm mmm, mmm mmm,
mmmmmmmmmm...
.
.
.
Mmmmm, what a way to live,
when you get what you give,
so let me dig through your bush,
and you can have my meat and potatoes,
ohhhhhhh,
and once you’ve sipped every drip of me,
soused with sweat, limping eurythmicly,
when you feel that rug burn on your knees,
will you immediately get hot for me,
mmm, will you cum running back to me?

You say, “Mmmmm, thank you!”
I say, “Mmm, you’re so welcome!”,
whatever may cum,
we will succumb,
you’re a ribbon of flesh,
wrapped around me tight in mesh,
I swear we can’t let each other go,
oh, oh,
we’re really going at it now,
mmm yeah,
and I say, “Mmmmm, thank you!”,
you say, “Mmm, you’re so welcome!”,
whatever may cum,
we will succumb,
you’re a ribbon of flesh,
wrapped around me tight in mesh,
I swear we can’t let each other go,
oh, oh,
we’re really going at it now!

WHOA WHOA!

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Good luck, Jerry, and good luck, Mikey! Don't drop the F-bomb and you will be fine! Thank God "69 Suited" hasn't made it.....yet.....to Clifton's abode, or I'll be 325,000 Leagues Under The Green! (giggles) Monkey see, monkey do, monkey raise! :)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)