My Very Exotic Maid Just Showed Up Nude

Well, it's official; Pluto is no longer officially defined as a planet in the scientific community. With that said, here's a fondest tribute to our little purple gerber widow of the celestial spheres; to me and all trans-planetary dreamers you will always be the pie of the sky, with a special poetic bonus as well; the parrot-headed "Extra Tropical"! :)

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My Very Eccentric Mother Just Shanghaied Underappreciated Nanny Pluto
By: Noah Eaton
8/24/06

Once upon a time,
there was a man named Percival Lowell,
who vowed to find that ninth planet,
if it meant never once resting on his laurels,
you see it was long speculated,
that another planet was perturbing Neptune’s orbit,
just like they suspected with Uranus,
and Neptune was discovered by Sir Johann Gottfried.

Lowell passed away amidst the mission,
but on lived his intergalactic pursuit,
astronomers hypothesized coordinates,
perfected each parabola and square root,
then one day in February 1930,
an astronomer named Clyde Tombaugh,
saw an object moving between photographic plates,
and he declared, “Holy smokes!”

Tombaugh moved on the double,
to Harvard College Observatory,
and when the news struck like lightning,
boy, the meeting erupted into a conservatory,
now all the gas gerber needed was a name,
and nominations came pouring in worldwide,
they included Zeus, Perseus and Prometheus,
but they were all denied.

Then one day a write-in candidate,
stood out and took the biscuit,
credited to a grand-niece cuttie,
living in Oxford, England,
yes, her name was Venetia Phair,
she thought the name should be a monogram,
named after the initials of Percival Lowell,
and Pluto became every space cadet’s hologram!

Then her father the Falconer,
forwarded the golden ticket to Professor Turner,
the response was unanimously favorable,
and was officially announced
by Director Vesto Melvin Slipher…

May I introduce to you Pluto,
she’s to baking like painting’s to Pierre Rousseau,
she’s as peppy as Women’s Day in Maputo,
and can broadcast a game like Phil Rizzuto,
but some detractors can be so rude-o,
they’re obsessed with throwing a feud-o,
narrow-mindedly coming to conclude-o,
that it’s orbit under definition is too skewed-o…
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You see, some just can’t tolerate it’s right to exist,
since a very long time ago,
who seem to prefer negativity,
like Ann Coulter or Janeane Garofalo,
arguing, “It hangs on the fringe!”,
or “It’s just an object of the Kuiper Belt!”
or better yet, “It has a wonky, peculiar orbit!”,
I think their propaganda smells like rainbow smelt!

The International Astronomers Union say modern observations,
are changing how we view our solar system,
therefore our nomenclature of objects,
should reflect our current rule of thumb,
ah, I’m in complete agreement there,
Lord knows we can’t dwell in the age of Copernicus,
we mustn’t turn our backs from the future,
we must face the truth like Oedipus.

But then they add planets should be re-defined,
as any round object orbiting the sun,
but if the center of gravity is outside the larger object,
does it not make the smaller object a planet, anyone?
And wouldn’t our own moon,
also be considered a planet,
as it retracts from Earth and forms its barycenter,
or even Janet Jackson!

They’re treating our misunderstood Pluto,
like some Trans-Neptunian Object,
after all she’s done for us all these years,
she receives much willful neglect,
inspiring Mickey Mouse’s sensitive canine,
and songs from Christine Lavin and 2 Skinnee J’s,
and the Hugo Award-winning Starship Troopers,
and that whole Space Battleship Yamato craze.

She guides the guardian of the gates of time,
on the anime favorite “Sailor Moon”,
it’s guest-starred on a Bjork album,
Cowboy Bebop, even Doctor Who...

Why all the hate for dearest Pluto,
their views of her are more overcast than Juneau,
a more misunderstood teacher than Giordano Bruno,
she’s just a shy, celestial bird of Juno,
after inspiring Lean Cuisine frozen food-o,
there’s only a gesture of exclude-o,
despite the contradictory public mood-o,
the IAU don’t want to include-o.
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Pluto widely influences astrology as well,
ruling death, rebirth and transformation,
asking us to transcend that which we know,
and come out stronger in appreciation,
it governs our reproductive systems,
and all that is undercover and secret,
but if your Pluto is conjunct with Saturn,
oh, be warned Pluto could also be destructive.

Pluto rules the sign of Scorpio,
my Sun, Mercury and Saturn,
the sign of desire, instincts and magnetism,
braiding each rhythmic pattern,
it has multiple natures,
between the vengeful scorpion and the wise eagle,
and the higher-conscious dove,
transforming passions into something peaceful.

Pluto is in the crumbling of every empire,
and every tragic event,
as well as the phoenix of hope that rises,
that accents re-birth as hearts mend,
and in the heart of each Indigo Child,
in the mind of each detective,
who searches for truths among the chaos,
seeking clarity from their perspectives.

Yet some merely like to snub their thumbs,
on their noses daring the lil’ purple’s existence,
loving to mock and laugh and slander,
and never keeping their distance,
Raphael's Astronomical Ephemeris of the Planets' Places,
didn’t even include it on its longitude tables,
stuck back as late as 1975 on Page 39,
dismissed as a hunk of debris fable.

What is the sign of Scorpio,
destined to be ruled by now,
will Mars rule both this sign and Aries,
each day from here on out…

What a poor easy target, that Pluto,
ganging on the underdog like Bluto,
unleashing all their judo,
on our mysterious cousin Pluto,
if only they could construe-o,
a reason for her to be reviewed-o,
but they’d rather like her to be denude-o,
love to boo and collude-o…
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Meanwhile the plot thickens,
they want to group Pluto with a new clique,
they call themselves the Plutons,
all with their own unique sort of schtick,
they’re all round Pluto-sized spheres,
beyond the realm of Neptune,
with orbital periods that exceed 200 years,
impugned as an eccentric sort of platoon.

They include Charon,
a fellow moon of Pluto that’s almost inertial,
(No, that’s Charon, not Charo,
you must have fell asleep watching that Geico commerical!)
And then here we have Ceres,
the largest object in the asteroid belt,
orbiting the sun between Mars and Jupiter,
ooh la la, isn’t she svelte.

And finally there’s 2003 UB313,
or better known tentatively as Xena,
some theorize she has a feminine battle cry,
like a laughing hyena,
I can ever imagine the Klingons,
laughing away when we break the story,
that 92% of eighth-graders list that planet,
on their tests as UB-40!

Holy sweet Alaskan asparagus tips,
does Pluto only exist now in those who dream,
like Philip K. Dick of “UBIK”,
and Joseph Michael Straczynski,
am I doomed to crawl into my dryer,
and pretend it’s a spaceship porthole,
and stare at an enlarged boysenberry on a tapestry,
imagining I’ve found you, Planet Pluto.

Now thousands of scientists,
have planet-napped my frigid beauty in Prague,
it’s got me and fellow geeks worked up,
like a bunch of pickerel frogs…

This is an ode to dear Pluto,
long a symbol of controversy on the news shows,
I guess to some it was never born under a halo,
taunting and haunting her like Cujo,
why must some always be so crude-o,
have a preference to seclude-o,
well, you always set my mood-o…

oh dearest...

dearest...

...Pluto...

(Tell your second cousins,
Hygiea, Pallas, Ixion and Vesta,
Varuna, Quaoar, Orcus and Sedna
that I said hi…

…as far as I see it,
you will always be,
the pie of the sky!)

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Extra Tropical
By: Noah Eaton
8/22/06

(Nothing like daydreaming in ¾ time,
like taking a siesta in a tire swing,
being stranded on a sandbar,
living like a gypsy on a bee sting fling.)

Me and my baby were on a tropical contact high,
down on the Pink Beach of the Bahamas,
steel drum symphonies were playing more capriciously,
than can be depicted in any closet drama,
beachcombing these shores like Eleutheran adventurers,
wading in cursive waters the color of candy floss,
inviting as your fantasy fashion photo shoot backdrop,
winking to me more revelling than the finest wine of Alsace.

She was as effervescent as an island’s prime season,
pirouetting upon each shady veranda,
leaving dusty chairs for those with greater reason,
freeing each piece of her heart from memoranda…

…cause she’s counting each of her days as a separate life!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

Some learn their whole lives to agree with nature,
she must have been born with a leaf of grass on her tongue,
she believes in all of the work of the stars,
youth was never meant to be high-strung,
so she lets her spirit jig like a giddy katydid,
across each hidden side of a summer’s leaf,
she partakes more than tea breaks and banana pancakes,
she leis it on the line if you know what I mean.

She is well aware no instruction book,
ever came supplied with Spaceship Earth,
she just floats amidst the blueberry popsicle skies,
drifting across imagination’s vibrating firth…

……cause she’s counting each of her days as a separate life!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

(Steel drum solo!)

Wanna take a little joy ride,
hang glide on the bright side,
wanna take a bright vacation,
dedicated to decoration,
belly buster dive into your creation,
acclimate to it like a crustacean,
develop a fixation,
with your inner-space station!

Live your life and forget your age,
not all you see is optical,
breathe in the unforgettable hibiscus,
see how life can be extra tropical…

Extra tropical!
(She shakes me like a hurricane!)
Extra tropical!
(She wears her smiles like a daisy chain!)
Extra tropical!
(Her spunk and poise is contagious!)
Extra tropical!
(It’s so cute when it becomes outrageous!)

(That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it,
that’s my philosophy, believe it if you wish,
building a tree house on the tallest palmetto,
duetting to a macaw’s larking libretto.)

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XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

My Very Enigmatic Mother Wants To Take Away My Pizza (Or Life On 2003UB313?)

Holy Alderaan, our neighborhood may about to get much more crowded!



This week, a new era may dawn, as the International Astronomical Union has convened at the Prague Congress Centre in Prague, Czech Republic for the XXVIth General Assembly of the International Astronomical Union since last Monday, who will be addressing there through August 25th, and will vote this week on a resolution titled “Draft Resolution 5 for GA-XXVI: Definition of a Planet“, which, for the first time in the union’s 87-year history, will have a high-level committee recommending the word “planet” be officially defined according to both scientific and historic standards. The resolution also considers the following:



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1) Contemporary observations are changing our understanding of the Solar System, so therefore our nomenclature for objects should reflect our modern, popular understanding of them. This should particularly apply to the term "planets", where the word originally described “wanderers” that were only moving lights in the sky, and that recent discoveries call for an updated definition due to new scientific information.

2) Under the above understanding, planets should be defined as “celestial bodies that (a) have sufficient mass for their self-gravity to overcome rigid body forces so that they assume a hydrostatic equilibrium (nearly round) shape1, and (b) are in orbit around a star, and are neither stars nor satellites of a planet.”

3) In considering the above definition, that we should again distinguish between the eight classical planets discovered before 1900, which move in nearly circular orbits close to the ecliptic plane, and other planetary objects in orbit around the Sun, with all other objects smaller than Mercury, and because of this, Ceres, a round asteroid and the largest object in the asteroid belt orbiting the sun between Mars and Jupiter, should be considered a planet by the above scientific definition. (Ceres historically has been distinguished from the classical planets as a "dwarf planet.”)

4) Pluto is recognized as a planet by the above scientific definition, as are one or more recently discovered large Trans-Neptunian Objects (including Charon, a moon of Pluto, and 2003UB313, a.k.a Xena, a round Pluto-sized sphere out in the limits of our current space scope) which in contrast to the classical planets typically have highly inclined orbits with large eccentricities and orbital periods in excess of 200 years, and in result this particular category of planetary objects should be renamed “plutons”, with Pluto remaining the prototype, so that they stand out from the eight classical planets.

5) All non-planet objects orbiting the Sun will be called "Small Solar System Bodies"

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Also, should this resolution be passed when it is voted on this Thursday, other likelihoods will include the following:

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1) Given all the nuances of the definition, a dozen other space objects will make a list of “candidate planets” by the union, which could eventually increase the tally of classified planets in our solar system to 24 (they are Hygiea, Pallas, Vesta, Ixion, Varuna, Quaoar, Orcus, Sedna, 2002 TX300, 2002 AW197, 2003 EL61 and 2005 FY9.)

2) If Pallas, Vesta, and/or Hygeia are found to be in hydrostatic equilibrium, they are also planets, and may be referred to as "dwarf planets".

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But not everyone is excited about possibly giving Pluto getting the downgrade. Because Harvard astronomer Owen Gingerich, who heads this committee, considers the definition of a planet an “object that orbits a star like the sun; is massive enough so its own gravity keeps it roughly round; and isn't a satellite of another planet, like the moon.”, other astronomers are saying things like, “Hey, you just hold your horses there a second, Charon, you all act as though you’re all that, orbiting around the sun as round as can be and all, but what’s up with you orbiting Pluto too, sounds like satellite scurvy to me!“ and “Yo Ceres, I thought you said you were an asteroid, now you say you want to be a planet, what’s up with that?”



Michael Brown of Caltech, Chadwick Trujillo of the Gemini Observatory atop Mauna Kea in Hawaii and David Rabinowitz of Yale also all discovered 2003 UB 313 (or Xena: Warrior Planet) three years ago, and have found many more remarkable discoveries since then in the millions of miles between Neptune and Pluto in the Kuiper Belt, where Pluto was discovered in 1930. Brown is one of the major critics of Resolution 5, saying, “I’m totally confused, they say Xena's a planet, but Sedna and Quaoar also fit the definition, so why aren't they being called planets, too? And Charon's a satellite of Pluto, so why is it a planet? It's not; it's a moon. That committee's definition is an effort to combine science and culture, and it doesn't do either.” He adds that with all the new round orbiting objects that astronomers have detected in the Kuiper Belt, the number of planets should total at least 53 by current standards.

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Charo In New Geico Commerical

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So, as you can see……..they’re playin’ Fizzbin with our solar system, leaving us like the Sigma Iotia II with nothing to say but “…….Zah?” as the rules continue to change with every fluffy shuffle. Understanding the gas giants these days is…..well……a gas……and if we’ve actually come to the conclusion that any big mass that’s round and circles a star is a planet, then by all means make Charo, not Charon a planet! Come on, let’s dance the Regolith Reggaeton…you know, that dance that really should be called two dogs humping, kind of like spooning but as you know, spooning can lead to forking, but don’t you miscon-mess with me……ahhhhh, never mind, um, err, Cuchi-Cuchi! LOL!



For the love of Io Plasma Torus, stop confusing our lil’ aspiring space cadets who, like Fred Z. Randall in the 1997 comedy “Rocketman” when as a child he’d crawl into his mother’s washing machine and going for a spin cycle, pretending as he peers out of his window that it’s his spaceship porthole and staring at a tapestry of the Earth, admiring it as a “giant blueberry”. (smiles) And holy sweet Alaskan asparagus tips, we know where his dreams take him when he’s thirty; far off into the red deserts of Mars and goes on a crazy food-tube-a-palooza when his chimp cadet Ulysses steals his hypersleep pod! Sweet swirling onion rings, that was as precious as dental floss at a Willie Nelson concert! (giggles) For the love of God, spare their fragile colorful minds of this Sirius red tape, or red dwarf tape is it?



Besides, think of what this will mean for our children’s school textbooks. The Klingons will be laughing themselves out of their fusion-powered rocket chairs when they learn in 2012 that 92% of eighth-graders answered that Pluto-sized sphere in the far reaches of our galaxy as UB40 on their science exams. Then you wake up at their high school level and find out that the line broke, the monkey got choke and burned bad rizla pon him little rowing boat! (giggles)



But most of all, a huge change to our planetary line-up will also mean a huge change to our understanding of Western astrology…..especially my sun sign! (Eek!) As you are well aware, Pluto rules Scorpio, as Pluto rules sex, psychology, death, and regeneration, as well as the transformative evolution of the collective in simplest of terms. Should Pluto be downgraded into a “Pluton”, it will significantly affect the nature of Scorpios such as myself in Western understanding, which may very well make sense in that Pluto represents transformations and metamorphosis and such an evolution was inevitable, for a planet that has brought you such phenomenons as Stouffers Corner Bistro cuisines and nuclear fusion! So you may expect to see me undergo some huge transformations these forthcoming months or so, as well as with the Eighth House and may spell new changes for rulership of Mercury and Venus, which both currently have double-rulers (Mercury rules both Gemini and Virgo, while Venus rules both Taurus and Libra)


As for the new proposed planets, they can offer revolutionary changes to how we observe western astrology as well. For instance, Ceres, discovered in 1801, is the Roman name for the Greek goddess Demeter, which rules agriculture, sustenance and motherhood, and known especially as the mother who saw her daughter Persephone vanish into the underworld of Hades/Pluto after being tempted with pomegranate seeds, during which she created a perpetual winter until her daughter was returned. And right now, astrologers are arguing what sign Ceres will rule if it becomes a planet, where some believe it should rule Virgo because of its striving to seek perfection in life through learning and also that Ceres was an unmarried woman, while others think Cancer fits Ceres far more because Ceres was also a fiercely, nurturing protective mother, willing to sacrifice the good of her people for the sake of her daughter, which contradicts Virgo’s notion of serving the likes of others, with Cancer also being the cardinal sign for the summer season when Demeter returns home from the underworld to her mother and the growing begins.



What I also find fascinating about Ceres, if it becomes a planet, is that in many minds it would represent the rebirth of interest and respect for traditional farming methods, which has already begun with environmental deterioration, genetically-modified organisms, pesticides and other elements in which undermine our agricultural process being challenged with the comeback of organic farming worldwide, and could also be the symbol of awareness to the increasing demand to turn to alternative fuels and energies.



There’s also fascinating insights into what the characterizing of other planets may mean for Western astrology. Below are some fascinating insights I’ve read regarding various planets, as well as the mysterious “Indigo Children”, a “different” generation that began when both Pluto and Quaoar entered Scorpio four days after I was born in November 1983, which are beginning to graduate from college and are in many astrologers’ minds the generation that will REALLY make changes and transformations in the world that their parents largely failed to accomplish. Enjoy!



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Quaoar & The Indigo Children

2003 UB313 & The Female Archetype Of The Warrior

Sedna

Orcus

The Centaurs

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Whatever saucy (or sinister) schemes are on those egghead’s minds this week in Prague, I encourage all y’all to keep watching the skis......wha.......oh sorry, skies, keep watching the skies! Per Ardua, Ad Astra!

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

Flushed Print Of The Poetic Poppy

Here are some new saffrom summer treats to wet your whimsical whistle.....and might I recommend that if you're surfing the World Wide Web this week to head to your cyber cafe and enjoy the endorphiny experience beyond your laptop.....it's proving to be a disc-o inferno out there today! (giggles) Long live my HP Pavilion f1503! :)

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Margarita Pedicure
By: Noah Eaton
8/15/06

I’ve seen a hundred disco sunrises,
been to foam parties all across Ibiza,
I’ve flown all across the island,
just to try all sorts of exotic pizza,
the Gomorrah of the Med,
has become my Cytherea,
I took more minds on a trip than Boy George,
funking to the Baleraic Beat at the Amnesia.

I’ve traveled from the top of Angel Falls,
to the tip of Patagonia,
my suitcase is stamped with so many travel stickers,
I suspect my neighbors have hodophobia,
now my feet are rubbed raw and blistered,
I could sure deodorize those tired tootsies,
they deserve a little special attention,
so I’m pulling up a beach chair
to make them primed for footsies.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

The Papallacta Hot Springs,
know how to give a warm stone massage,
wearing avocado slice monocles,
my face has become a breathing key lime pie collage,
sporting stockings of seaweed,
tropical sun seasoning me with a citrus splash,
then I’ll be off for the Volcan de Lodo El Tutomo,
for a toxin-burning mountain dash.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

They got aquatic jogging,
they got hydrogymnastics,
they got vibrosaunas,
that leave you tripping the light fantastic,
you’ll never feel purer in your life,
‘til you attend their Inipi ceremony,
mitauke oyasin,
with summer I'm making holy matrimony!

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters.

Only in summer does laziness find respectability,
it's in the eyes of a caterpillar we find palatability,
inventing romance like a smitten nightingale,
the amount of laughter you spill
can never be measured on the Brix scale.

Gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
soak my feet in Epson salt,
rub them with shea butter,
gonna get me a margarita pedicure,
gonna spend a warm summer day,
by the poolside where the sunshine putters...

...gonna sit by the poolside,
where the sunshine sputters...

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Gillyweed Ranzmalkin, The Gnome On A Pole
By: Noah Eaton
8/13/06

Lurching up there,
from his lofty perch,
sitting right above,
the Calhoun Falls Baptist Church,
loiters as taciturn,
as a village cherry birch,
a seventeen inch tall crackerjack,
of doggerel verse,
he’s a pale-faced pantaloon,
all dressed up in motley,
gardeners are intimidated by his stare,
as though he’s V.I Warshawski,
no one’s sure if this is some publicity stunt,
or if he just sites there like some Maltese cat,
maybe he just loves a first-class seat,
to behold some old world chat.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
among some it’s generating,
a heightened row,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
standing stonily quiet from his tall abode.

Among some folklore fruitcakes,
Gillyweed Rainmaking’s a working class hero,
but he’s got his disparagers too,
including his troll neighbor Nacklemadge Yamashiro,
and the Garden Gnome Liberation Front,
has trained a reconnoiterer woodpecker,
plotting to gnome-nap this josher,
deport him back to Lamport Hall in Northamptonshire,
but generally speaking, most have come to his defense,
such as Freiden Farfrigraganuergen,
founder of the group Gnomes In Space,
with a face as green as a gherkin,
he’s holding talks with the church groundskeeper,
who swears Gillyweed’s peering at her over the hedge rows,
by the looks of it,
it may take years to agree to a quid pro quo.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
his flesh is as powdery,
as dry pastry dough,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
flooding the headlines on local talk shows.

Gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
beginning to have mushrooms,
growing out of his big toe,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
tourists have begun pouring in,
from to and fro,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
he spots stolen doughnut trucks,
faster than you can say “Inspector Costeau!”,
gnome on a pole,
gnome on a pole,
who knows what secrets,
this lavender cone-hatted uncle bestows.

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Gravity Assist
By: Noah Eaton
8/5/06

Let me show you a secret,
that I’ve always wanted to share,
because fiction reveals deep truths,
that reality can dissolve into thin air,
walking this interplanetary dust cloud tightrope,
4,700 kilometers between Saturn’s rings,
gently falling in the direction,
that your gravity carries me.

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams...

Swimming between faces in scrapbooks,
that I’ve recognized for so long,
daydreaming August afternoons away,
imagining I’m bringing you along,
there’s so much I want to say,
there’s so much I want you to know,
sometimes I feel tempted,
pushing Saturn into some black hole.

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

You’re my moon-kissed mermaid,
diving in the seas of the Milky Way,
your eyelashes gleam brighter than the sun’s corona,
during a Vanuatu honeymoon...

…no pair of binoculars,
nor any choice of words,
can describe this amorous homesick feeling,
blowing over me like a sand dune in Cancun...
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.
Everything you imagine must be real,
cause everything happens when you dream,
my perception is like a rocket,
destined to chase you around the galaxies’ jet stream...

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams…

Cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
cause imagination is our highest kite,
that flies light years beyond our wildest dreams...

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Down By The Waterfront
By: Noah Eaton
7/2/06

Couples speed along the lane,
on their ten-speed bikes,
along the sparkling Willamette,
when the summer afternoon is ripe,
it’s hot as a pair of jumper cables,
at a tailgate party barbecue,
so I walk barefoot on the grass along the sidewalk,
and lie there staring up into the blue.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity…

The sound of meaty blues guitar,
fills the scenery with electricity,
young lovers drive up on cavalries of motorboats,
just so they can lay back and hear them swing,
a captain’s laughter echoes from Riverplace Marina.
you can swear he commandeers Lady Washington,
I feel I could chase this river down,
all the way to Tualatin.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity…

If you saw a heat wave,
would you wave it right back,
let it pack away your troubles,
and send them off to extended summer camp,
I can only begin to imagine all you’ll share with me,
when you first buzz by like a dragonfly,
with dockside delights doubly as divine,
each and every hot summer night.

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity...

Down by the waterfront,
in the summer heat,
on a treasure hunt,
for carefree festivity...

*

*



Injection Fairy Lily
By: Noah Eaton
6/29/06

Heart of clear water,
plush Amazoness tiger,
flittering like a butterfly in zero gravity,
graceful charity,
kaleidoscopic dexterity,
riddling every cloud of summer with cavities,
stir-fried in a mystic wok,
basted in the Saigon dawn.
lost in the labyrinth of her fitting room,
a pineapple blast,
vast and unsurpassed,
ooh, the indigo broom of her perfume...

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

Token of thanksgiving,
transcendent wings reliving,
with twin swords of flashing light,
a walking hidden book of spell,
with a heart of the underdog’s heavy swell,
arousing youth in every carpet knight,
a mermaid gymnast in a voodoo tutu,
with a meadow rue tattoo,
caretaker of the cocoon of evolution,
atomic firefly that winks like a sphinx,
just a pinch of high jinks can put you to forty winks,
she’s my celestial transformation Lilliputian.

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

(Oh ho ho,
star chips,
my favorite,
oh ho ho!)

Injection fairy lily,
silly but sweet as Chantilly,
a flute of summoning dragon,
with her scroll of bewitchment,
the muse of all magicians,
my casual lazy summer morning tea wagon...

...injection fairy lily...

...silly but sweet as Chantilly...

...injection fairy lily...

*

*

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)

The Dream Life Of Lampy The Lamport

Well, aren’t we feeling all Nac Mac Feegle today! I certainly know our fellow Fulton, Missouri residents Don and Karen Walker are in that their red-capped, knee-length bearded buddy Edgar has returned to home sweet home after being gnome-napped for over two months, from the end of May through last Sunday, when he was returned by a stranger with 56 photographs, all featuring his truly in all his lil’ escapades out West, along with an anonymous note which read the following:

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“My friend and I apologize if we caused you any undue worry due to the loss of your gnome. He is no doubt something of high value. Rest assured, though, we took special care of him on the duration of our trip, and have had from the beginning every intention of returning him to you. Please enjoy the pictures. We have included some of our destinations (with) your gnome, who we affectionately named Edgar. Sincerely, ? & X.”

*



Nuh-uh, I didn’t fall asleep from watching that gnome in the Travelocity commercials again this time. This is the real deal. Yep, it is strange how a Christmas gift from your mother-in-law can suddenly become the unexpected travel narrator. But ol’ Edgar did just that, hittin’ the road in his brown boots from the Walkers’ front porch out into the True Blue with Samantha Sixpack and Chan Siu Ming, traveling across at least seven state lines (Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Utah, Arizona, Colorado and Kansas)



So what’d you say we take a brief mystical journey into our invisible Fisher Price 3D View-Master, and reel past just some of the Reel Cards of Edgar’s misadventures. Just sit back and then, try to picture this intense imagery and then run the images through your mind like triptychs from top to bottom really fast as if it was a negative film of a cartoon. God Bless William Gruber, he's a true genius, for among all those children's classics out there, the View-Master will never grow obsolete as the films just keep coming! Crreeaaaakkkk...TWANG!!! Slide 1: Oh, lookey, there's me with a pecan log from Stuckeys! Crrreeeaaaakkkkkk...TWANG!!! Slide 2: Hehehe, check out that low-rider bicycle! Here, you take it from here! TWAANNGGG!



Slide 1: Aye, here I am at the Kansas-Colorado border! Would you believe they have a town named Kanorado here? When I first stepped foot into town for a twenty-two ounce flask of Zauberlinda Jelly, I was so shy I wish there was a toadstool I could hide behind. But ohhhhh, Kanorado is such a small, friendly town. They let me hop aboard this Drover Rail Car that is over a hundred years old, treated me to the Piper At The Gates Of Dawn Special at the Little Butterfly Café, and have even invited me to their Christmas party at the post office later this year. Aye, parting is such sweet sorrow, but the Centennial State should provide plenty more colorful odes, ho ho!



Slide 2: Holy Kallikantzaroi! Who knew you could be the visitor of four states at once? Aye, if I wanted I could construct a tall pole exactly where the corners of all four states touch, build a little glass dome castle on top of it, and I could obtain legal residence to all four states! Ahhhhh…imagine having the Arizona sun at my back, the Utah sand dunes at my sight, that New Mexico enchantment enhance my imagination and those Colorado colors imbue my dreams! How I fancy that!



.......and so on! Just keepin' it Reel, y'all! LOL! Yep, word has it that Edgar also has a taste for the eccentric, including sharing a moment with the World’s Largest Prairie Dog in Colby, Kansas, spending a night under the stars with the Klingons at Area 51, and visiting Oakley, Kansas as well, home to the six-legged steer, a five-legged cow, a Russian wild boar, and Roscoe the miniature donkey. Apparently, he also lost some innocence at one point in his epic journey, when he was caught red-mitten gloved underneath a sign for the Boom Boom Cabaret, a famous topless club in Amarillo, Texas.



Edgar also made his share of friends beyond the beaten path, including a toll-booth worker on the Kansas Turnpike, and a biker decked in black paused to take a snapshot with him before riding off on his motorcycle. Just the sorts of faces that would even make Amelie glow green with envy!



Yep, ever since Edgar has returned home for well-deserved relaxation from his cross-country voyage, he has remained stonily quiet about his summer adventure, just lettin’ those pictures do the talking. Also to his delight, he now has a little brother added to his family, who has been standing in the very spot he was in part of the two months he was away. Perhaps someday his new little brother will be on a trip of his very own, and can have lots of exciting anecdotes to tell Edgar in the coming years. Rumor has it his lifelong dream is to visit Nome, Alaska! (giggles)



It remains a mystery what tempted Edgar to leave his garden home? One theory is that the Blue Fairy whispered the idea in his ear, a second suggests he was a fan of Bilbo Baggins and wanted to emulate his famous journies. Yet another theory is that he has been longing liberation, and in a clandestine manner contacted the Garden Gnome Liberation Fronts, or GGLF; an organization that “stand for the liberation of garden gnomes." that believes that each of these plastic gnome statues have spirits within, as well as human rights, and take them, leave them in the woods with claim tickets, smash the plastic statues, and let their spirits free from their material exterior, where their spirits return to Mother Nature and the woods. However, in an attempt to reach the envoy, a counter-GGLF group, Mischievious Melismatics For Gnome Globetrotting, beat them to the clock and foiled their coup. (giggles)



And yes, there really is a Garden Gnome Liberation Front, which is largely an underground movement as their primary methods of liberation often subvert local trespass and property laws. There is also a separate but related group, which goes by the name Free The Gnomes, a legitimate political wing of the subversive Garden Gnome Liberation Front, which seeks to further the rights of gnomes around the world through legal, non-violent means. The fundamental premise of this and most Garden Gnome Liberation groups is that Gnomes, like humans, have an inalienable right to freedom, and have a mission core belief that forcing Gnomes to stand in gardens without just compensation and against their free will is equivalent to slavery, thus is immoral. One such refuge for freedom loving gnomes is the European Gnome Sanctuary in Barga, Tuscany. Of course, there are others who believe that Garden Gnomes are non-sentient, and that concern for their well-being are exaggerated, as depicted in the campaign Gnomes In Space.



Anyway, wanna bet that Edgar’s little brother will be named David? LOL! Remember that cartoon, “David The Gnome”? I used to watch that often as a little boy on Nickelodeon, which is based on the children’s books written by Rien Poortvliet and Wil Huygen. David is probably one of my earliest influences to my pacifist beliefs, in that David was that kind of guy who believed goodness would always prevail eventually, and had a heart full of faith that together each gnome would play their faithful roles. I miss that lil’ sage sooooooooo much, but his theme song lyrics of wisdom shall forever be penned in my heart:



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"Look around you.
There are many things to see,
that some would say could never be.
These things I know.
It's true and I will tell you so.
They are there to see, if you believe.

Trolls and wizards and fairy kings,
birds that talk and fish that sing.
And if your heart is true, then you will find them too.
In every wish and dream and happy home,
you will find a kingdom of the Gnomes."

*



So I ask y’all, as Granny D says, to let your spirits soar, for she says, “Our joy is our longbow!”, and may we let our joy travel about like David on his trusty fox Swift, who we can summon just by whistling! (giggles) David For President, Edgar For The Department Of Folklore! :)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)