Don’t Be So Groovy, Baby!

Last night I finally got to watch the 1992 Academy Award nominated Chinese film, “Raise The Red Lantern”, adapted by Ni Zhen from the 1990 novel Wives and Concubines by Su Tong, a Mandarin Chinese writer. It is set in 1920’s China, shortly before the Chinese Civil War, where the protagonist Songlian, who marries as the fourth wife (or Fourth Mistress) in the wealthy Chen family (her father had died and she struggled with poverty) Despite being treated with wealth and royalty at first, with spiffy foot massages every evening, bright red lanterns, and steamed tofu with spinach and stir-fried bean sprouts every lunch, she learns more about the social hierarchy taking place within the family, where the master would choose which wife he’d spend the night with, thus is constantly dueling with the other “Mistresses” for the affection and attention of their husband.



As the rivalry gets more intense between wives, Songlian fakes pregnancy to try and garner the attention of the master, though the second sister Zhuoyan, described as having “the face of a Buddha but the heart of a scorpion” takes advantage of her relations with Songlian’s maid to learn how she feigned her period, and is dishonored by having her lanterns burnt out and covered with black cloth. However, it is discovered that the maid had a secret illicit affair with the Master in Songlian’s bed, and her room is full of red lanterns, thus is punished by having all the lanterns burned and she chills to death in defiance in the freezing winter cold. In the end, Songlian decides the competition is entirely puerile and ridiculous, as each wife is subserviently nothing more than one of four "robes" that the master may wear and discard at his discretion.



As time goes on, where being part of the wealthy family used to have a sense of freedom to her, it begins feeling like a prison to her, and she even contemplates suicide to free herself from the heartache of being a concubine. She also overheard before of the Third Mistress Meishan, an opera singer who she befriends, and her affair with the doctor who checked up on her while faking her pregnancy, and when intoxicating herself on her 20th birthday during her depression, she accidentally blurts out the details of the affair, which leads to her murder which emotionally traumatizes Songlian further, and finally, the following summer, Songlian goes completely insane when she learns the master now has a fifth wife.



Definitely not an endorphiny, happy-dance inducing movie by any means, but a most touching and important film. Despite the film being a destined classic for generations to come, I have to confess that this first-ever DVD issuing of the film has to me (performing an impersonation of The Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy persona, also known as Jeff Albertson) got to be……the worst…..transfer……ever! I encourage everyone here to please see this brilliant film, but I also urge y’all NOT to purchase the DVD version. The beautiful directing, cinematography and artistic vision of the legendary Zhang Yimou, is all spoiled here, and is really a slap-in-the-face to Yimou and his widely-respected labor of love here. The picture has that sort of snap-crackle-pop quality, where in the original issuing of the film the director shows a mastery use of color and poetically illuminating the psychological undertones and social conflicts that are present, but on the DVD, all the colors bleed together and that aura is cancelled out, and you can even see black and white scratches on various picture frames.



Then, you have the musical score also negatively affected in consequence of this. There are musical numbers representative of each of the seasons, and the events and transitions between each one, from the flute solo at the very beginning, to Meishan singing, to Songlian’s realization of her social status, to the “House of Death”. And the poetry of it all is also hindered by the dicey sound quality.



It’s almost as though those responsible for transferring the film used a second-generation VHS copy to do just that, which wasn’t dusted off and sat in the attic for three decades. The saddest part of all is that anyone who watches this movie for the first time on DVD may instantly think of the directing quality as equivalent to that of a second-rate caddy using a decade-old camcorder for the sole purpose of trying to make a quick buck. And worse yet, we’re likely to have to wait many more years until the true DVD we were waiting for is released, and finally makes justice of Yimou’s classic, rather than some half-hearted transfer of a shop-worn 16mm print.



But wait, it gets even better, LOL! Despite the howling dreadfulness of this DVD, in a way it sure got those endorphins engineering in my bloodstream last night! J The English subtitles were an absolute hoot! There were frequent misspellings all throughout the film (including “savant” for servant, “cate” for cat, “secrete” for secret, and “Forth” and “Fourth” used interchangeably) and there was even one unintentionally hilarious, knee-slapping moment where Songlian was speaking to Meishan on the roof of the estate and speaking of her thoughts of suicide, where the sub-title reads, “Don’t be so groovy. Look at me, I try to be happy!” LOL! I think it was meant to say “gloomy”, but anyway, that sure was a jocular jolt of amusement! (giggles) Also, at the very end of the film, the very last subtitle reads, “She has gone completely insane. Production Credit.” LOL! Also, there is an instance in the film where the Fourth Mistress is addressed as “Mister” in the subtitles, LOL!



I was just ruminating earlier today, “Oh ho ho, I should start a cult merchandise & paraphernalia line in honor of the “Raise The Red Lantern” DVD release, LOL, complete with T-shirts, coffee mugs, lunchboxes, key chains, mouse pads and ping-pong paddles featuring the picture frame with the sub-title, “Don’t be so gloomy! Look at me, I try to be happy!“ as well as limited-edition action figures, even “Jingwu Ma’s Shanxi Sensations”, featuring your culinary Asian favorites based from the film, including, you guessed it, steamed tofu with spinach and stir-fried bean sprouts, readymade in just five minutes from your home microwave! LOL! Well, if “Napoleon Dynamite” could get away with it, then why the heck not for “Raise The Red Lantern”? (giggles)



Worst…..transfer…..ever! So I beseech you, please, pretty please with Mee Krob on top, RENTAL THE VHS VERSION, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! (giggles) Should you choose to go DVD, it will be a decision you will eternally live to regret, hehehe!
Now that that’s out of the way……who wants pickled shanghai cactus? Henhao! :)

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)