Feminine Frenzying Fingertips Feather Fancying Faces Feverishly

As you can tell from previous threads, orthorexia nervosa isn't the only syndrome I've been withstanding as of late. I have also been for months and months excessively libidinous, torrid with the pyrexia of sexual desire. Again, I keep reminding myself I am the age my dad was when he and my mom gave birth to me, and it makes me feel like a late-bloomer in dating, kissing, having sex, being in love for the first time, as well as reading many stories on the Grok This forum of Passions In Poetry from my fellow poet friends of the first times they had their first kisses and got some, which could make me feel left behind or small ever so often in that I am still single, a virgin and dateless.

Lately I have been making an effort to write poems that try and imagine dreaming, yearning and loving from a female perspective, as I often can't help but feel a sense of guilt that my dream girl longs to be loved and needs a soft shoulder to lean on and because I haven't found her yet and she is still searching wildly as I am, somewhere in my heart aches imagining her longing for someone to take good care of her and re-assure her that the magic of romance is still alive and kicking in our celestial cornucopia. I started writing just now two poems attempting to crawl around in a woman's heart and walk around in it; "Tropics of Cancer" and "Fewer And Further Between", for I feel until I hook up with a girl, it's the only way I could ever get to know girls better and appreciate everything that makes me special, and I guess it makes me worry I know very little about how I should love that special someone without ever being given the opportunity yet to develop and nurture a relationship.



I have a fresh, optimistic outlook in that God has a plan for everyone and there will be an answer for every such enigma as this, and have great faith that I'm indeed not doomed to walk this planet alone throughout my life. I guess the urgency I'm feeling under my skin is that I'm seemingly stuck in the quicksand at the bottom of Maslow's need hierarchy, where I'm just a young dreamer who longs to fulfill my deepest desires, my needs that resonate from the equidistant cockles of my heart. The needs to know what it is to be loved, belonged to another, esteemed, which Maslow terms "deficiency needs". They're like vitamin capsules I need because without them their very absence inhibits any growth, learning experience or help me develop into a more mature, suitable person and lover. I suppose in feeling deprived of the opportunity, the fair shake or serendipity in opening my heart and proving my love is true to a special someone I worship and want to do everything to make her happy beyond my dreams alone, I'll always feel like I'm only half the person I want to be and won't grow to my fullest potential.

I am most proud and blessed to be a Scorpio, but, with any sign, there is a challenge, a riddle to conquer throughout ones life, and Scorpios like me ever so often and easily are misunderstood, and so many tend to be intimidated by our fascination with transcendence, in engaging in the deepest feelings and emotions said to be "like a crystal clear stream, in a cave, under a high mountain." We also can't help but resist having a swivel in the shadows, and looking under so many things, because we're just sensitive and desire just to reach and scratch in far beneath the outer scurvy, shell surface of the scorpion and embrace the intellect of the Golden Eagle and the altruism and love of the Dove Scorpio also represents, which gleams crystal-clear within. I want to be the Dove Scorpio that fondles that magic that exists in the most vulnerable vicinages of my heart, who shares it with all the world unmitigatedly, and many could see this incandescent scintillation in my eyes that can never languish.



:) Simply writing out my thoughts always makes me feel better, as I'm a Sunny Scorpio who always makes an effort and enjoys journeying through the mysteries of sex, death, metamorphosis and rejuvenation, but I've actually been one who loves looking at the lighter side of life most of all as I believe it's seeking the beauty and magic that keeps the world spinning harmoniously. That's why I believe it's through Taurus, the polar opposite sign of Scorpio, that me and other Scorpios find a mirror reflection, for Taurus is ruled by Venus and helps supply Scorpios with patience, nourishment and a greater appreciation for beauty that can help any Pluto patriot find a place in the sun and glide with the butterflies, yay! :) I really am fascinated and love probing through this outlet more than any other in that perfect balance can be achieved, and because Taurus the bull has an absolute love of the earth, it can help soften the Scorpio and let all the heavy fortress walls erode away, yay! All things removed rebirth as something higher, and I believe through Taurus' rejuvenation can always be felt, and forgiveness could also be learned which many Scorpios could often find difficult to obtain. Moreover, with Scorpios like me linked to the root chakra (which represents physical energy and vitality and, when balanced, generated unlimited physical energy, good health and abundance) and the crown chakra (which represents connecting with the Divine Spirit and, when balanced, can have full understanding and appreciation of the conscious and subconscious and can be most transcendent), I have the will able to become that Dove I want to be.

Maybe it's because I'm a Scorpio that also happens to be a Pisces Rising that may explain why I am softer and barely ever show any signs of aggression and just want to see the absolute good in everyone, even when it may be difficult to trust most people. Those with Pisces Rising are also known for being unaware of how they appear to others, because Pisces is ruled by Neptune, the planet of illusion and imagination, and why I always daydream of my dream girl soooooooo much in fantasy worlds and such, and why I'd rather see the world as I want to see it rather than how the world really is (that may explain why I'm very poetic, LOL!), and why, like I'm feeling right now I guess, I may feel isolated or a little sorry about myself sometimes. (giggles) Come to think of it, as I've said before, I have small hands and feet like a dolls and am not a very strong person physically, and being a Pisces Rising might explain that too, LOL! :)

My dreams of my dream girl continue to get stronger, more romantic and wetter, and I just long ever so much to not just see my dream girl in my dreams and the joy she gives me through the mirror of Taurus, but I long to live and be all that I see and am raptured with. I think I'm just approaching this the wrong way, and am not unaware where I need to search, where I should go to look, whether it be that special someone or just to acquaint myself with a girl. Ever since I've moved to Portland, I've struggled to re-connect with my Colorado friends at Denver Academy, and that has made me feel a bit lonesome, and while I'm absolutely blessed to be with KBOO and all the comforting, friendly, super-cool volunteers there make it feel just like home, I haven't exactly formed a real relationship or understanding with anyone, and I long to form deep, colorful, sparkling relationships, to be loved and be loved by others. I dedicate many hours keeping KBOO flittering like a butterfly in the community not just because I absolutely believe in making sure everyone is heard and represented, but because I find community and nurturing community absolutely essential and I want to form happy interactions with others and give back to this very community I feel comfortable and alive in. :)



Every night before I fall asleep, I always blow a kiss to my dream girl, wherever she is out there, from my bedroom window, imagining, wondering if I will meet her in a sandbox, at KBOO, at the Japanese Garden or maybe inside Ben & Jerry's on Free Cone Day for my fix of Neapolitan Dynamite! (sweeeetttt!) (giggles) I want to know more than anything else in the world what it feels like to be loved, how it feels to walk to the Lloyd Center light rail station holding a loved ones hand and not walking alone for the first time, how it feels when it's raining and you forgot to bring a raincoat and you hold someone close softly just to keep that special someone warm, seeing that very soft reflection of firefly light gleaming in that loved ones eye of just how heavenly that warm feeling can be. And I want to give about every single ounce of stamina and passion in my heart to make love to my dream girl in every meaning of the word, to keep her happy, warm, comfortable, secure, healthy, and cumming! :)



Hopefully I'll find her this summer, or by the end of this year. Wish me luck, just as I wish all of you the deepest, greatest happiness each and every day, and ladybug lullabies to kiss the child in all of your gleaming, glorious hearts, yay!

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Mistletoe Angel)
(Emmanuel Endorphin)